Disease, Illness & ConditionsAches & PainsOral HealthInjuriesEye CareChildren's HealthAlternative MedicineFirst AidOlder AdultsWellnessMental HealthDisabilitiesHealth Care IndustryReproductive Health

Why a Cancer Diagnosis Might Lead to a Loss of Friends

Updated on February 13, 2017
Minnetonka Twin profile image

I'm an identical twin and love every minute of it. I have degrees in psychology, counseling, and psychological services.

Cancer Diagnosis & Loss of Friends

I never thought I'd lose friends when I was diagnosed with cancer.
I never thought I'd lose friends when I was diagnosed with cancer.

Learning Big Lessons through Pain

I have tried to write this story for the last five years, but I just wasn't ready. It is still difficult to talk about, but feel I've come to a point in my journey where I need to get it off my chest. I believe putting off writing about this experience means admitting what I tried to ignore for years. It also brings back so many different feelings. Feelings of pain, loss, sadness, abandonment, shame, low self-esteem, and many other emotions.

My story of lung cancer was difficult enough, but little did I know that with illness can come loss of friends. I say "friends," of course, tongue and cheek—because this experience taught me that the people who walked away from me were never truly my friends.

I know details don't really matter, but at the time this happened, they consumed me. I went over and over them to try to make sense of it all. The three friends who abandoned me were all women I hung out with the last several years of my life. Two of the three resided in my apartment complex. Two of them were long-time friends I considered deep soul mates; friends I could trust to share my deepest secrets with. We had our ups and downs through the years, but I truly believed they loved and cared about me.

I was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2004—although I never smoked—and I was really terrified. I knew I had God, great family and friends, and all the support in the world. I never questioned losing friends, let alone the friends that I considered to be my best friends. Yes, cancer is a life-threatening illness, but the abandonment of dear friends was devastating.

I was in the biggest fight of my life. Every day for the next several months was a whirl-wind of doctor appointments, surgery, chemo-therapy and radiation. In the craziness of these days, I wasn't noticing what was missing. It was those people I thought were my dear friends. I figured it out in the following ways...

Lung Cancer Journey

Posing with family in 2004 during my fundraiser
Posing with family in 2004 during my fundraiser | Source

The First Friend to Abandon Me

I remember being on the computer to help organize the fundraiser my dear family was planning for me. I went into my email box and noticed a message from one of my good friends. Sorry to be graphic, but I was going from computer to the bathroom, as I couldn't keep much down anymore from the aggressive chemo they were giving me. I felt excited to check out an email from the friend that seemed missing from my life. This is what it read: "Linda, how dare your family have a fund raiser for you. I was there when you got the letter in the mail that put you on Medical Assistance for your illness. You do not deserve a fund raiser and it is wrong that your family give you a fund raiser." The rampage on the email continued, but I think you get the point. She ended the email however, by telling me she would be calling later to talk to me and that she would not participate in this deception. Between running to the bathroom to be sick from chemo and lying in bed, crying from the pain of abandonment, I wanted to die. I called my twin sister at work and told her about the email from my so-called friend. Knowing how sick I was, and now hearing me so upset about this, she came right home and took care of the situation. When so-called friend called, Laura was ready to deal with the craziness. You can imagine how the conversation went, dealing with a twin sister that is hurt for her spurned twin sister. What I will say, is she told her never to call again and that we want nothing to do with her. My so-called friend told Laura, "How dare you have a fundraiser for her. You will be sending her to jail for fraud, and she's very sick because of the cancer and chemo and won't do well there."

The Second Friend to Abandon Me

The second friend showed her colors when my loving twin sister booked a limo for our birthday. Our birthday fell only two months after I finished Chemo and Radiation. I was told by my oncologist that my odds of survival were poor, about 20-25% within the first five years. This made our birthday even more important to us. We are so very close, and the thought of us leaving each other was horrifying. Long story short, after this friend received the email about the birthday celebration, she wrote back and said that she, just like the other friend, "could not participate in this." I believe she was put off about us spending money that may have come from the fund-raiser.These women were obviously in cahoots and working each other up about the love and support I was receiving during this time. Who cares if I did choose to use some of the fundraiser money to celebrate my life-I know-Who thinks like this? Funny thing is, Laura paid for it which was always the plan. By the way, it was a birthday celebration I will never forget. Not knowing if I would make five years, I was in every moment, and surrounded by unconditional love of true friends and family.

The Third Friend to Abandon Me

The last person in this sad tale wasn't as painful for me. We were more superficial friends living in the same apartment complex who went out on the town once in a while. We didn't have a deep connection like I thought I had with the other two women. I'm not saying it didn't hurt me, but it was much easier to deal with because we didn't have the depth and history. Her way of blowing me off was sending an email. Among other things, she told me I should give the money from the fundraiser, back to the cancer society. I called her back but she didn't answer. I did find the strength to leave her a message about how disappointing I found her message to be.

A Diagnosis and Losing Friends Taught Me Many Lessons

I am not a victim! As a matter of fact, these three women taught me a very important life lesson I will never forget. I have always been a care-taker which stems from a very difficult childhood. I put up with a lot of crap from people in the past; these gals included. The diagnosis of cancer was a wake up call. God was telling me I needed to start loving myself. I needed to start thinking about me and not everyone else. I now surround myself with loving people who support and love me. Relationships should be 50-50 and respectful. Looking back on the friendships with these three women, I see how often I sacrificed myself because of my insecurities, to make them feel better about themselves and ignore the truth.

Life is a journey of learning from our good and bad experiences. The cancer diagnosis gave me new eyes in many ways. It's my second chance at living fully without blinders on. Pain and struggles can be our best teachers and I feel incredibly blessed. I forgive the women for how they behaved during this difficult time in my life, but will never forget.

Forgiveness

Forgiving someone is easy, but being able to trust them again is a whole different story...

Abandoned because of Illness

Have you ever had friends or family abandon you because you were sick

See results

© 2010 Linda Rogers

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 11 months ago from Minnesota

    Thanks for your kind words Deborah and sounds like you've experienced the same abandonment. The fact that your 'so called' friend got upset by cancelling a weekend outing is all you needed to know that this was not a friend. Do you ever wonder, as I do, if our so called friends may see the error of their ways as life has gone on? I still wouldn't hang out with her ever again, but at times wonder if she looks back, now that she's a mom, and see's how mean and wrong it was. Can I ask you how your doing in your cancer journey? I pray you have loving support of real friends and family. I am 13 years cancer free this coming March even though they told me I had a 20-25% chance of making five years. Woot Woot? I am so blessed.

  • DeborahNeyens profile image

    Deborah Neyens 11 months ago from Iowa

    Having just gone through cancer diagnosis myself, I am so sorry to read what you went through in dealing with the loss of your so-called friends at a time when you most needed their love and support. I went through a similar situation, not when I got sick, but when my mom got sick with a breast cancer recurrence three years ago. My "friend" got upset that I cancelled a weekend trip due to my mother's illness and then basically refused to acknowledge that my mom was sick or to provide any sort of emotional support that you would expect to receive from a good friend during a difficult time. The first time she tried to reach out to me was the day my mom died, over two years later, but by then it was too little and way too late (and I suspect that she was merely trying to find a way to make it all about her anyway - the typical narcissist response). As painful as the abandonment was, I know now she was never a true friend to begin with and that I am much better off without her. It sounds like you have come to the same realization about your former friends. I hope you are doing well!

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 15 months ago from Minnesota

    I'm doing great now, thank you :) You hit the nail on the head. It was the first so-called friend that started the whole thing. Now that I got through all that initial shock and pain, I can look back and see that I wasn't choosing the right friends. My circle of friends now is amazing; it's a give and take with no judgments and overall unconditional love. BTW, I have a Master's degree in Counseling Psych. I had a few client's back in the day that had the diagnosis of 'Munchausen by Proxy' which is what you are talking about. Some people have such a need for attention, they use their kids to get it. I want to thank you for reading my story. No worries, it was in 2004 and all is well in my life now. I believe it was God's way to show me that I took way too much crap from people. He saw I wasn't getting it so he used this ordeal to make me wake up. I'm so awake. Again, God Bless for reading my story. It means a lot to me :)

  • Andrew Jean profile image

    Andrew Jean 15 months ago

    Damn, that shit's fucked up. Sounds like that first bitch was the one that started the whole thing. Bitch was jealous of the attention you were receiving because of your illness. Some people are sick like that. I remember hearing of this one woman who was intentionally making her little girl sick (poison or something) because she loved all the attention she would receive at the hospital. You believe that? We got some real fruitcakes out there, you gotta watch out. Anyways, take care doll, hope you're doing better, peace.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    Wow Don! thanks so much for sharing your personal experience with loss of friends. I'm so sorry you know the pain and shock of it. I never even thought about this particular issue when getting sick but my cancer therapist told me it's very common. I agree with you that the 'acquaintances' run from fear and ignorance but the 'true friends' deal with it because their your friend for the right reason. I can see you are not a victim and take each day and true friends very seriously. Blessings to you and your wonderful wife. So glad to hear your in remission. Woot Woot!

  • Don Bobbitt profile image

    Don Bobbitt 2 years ago from Ruskin Florida

    Great story and a strong point that everyone should understand.

    Although I have never had Cancer, 23 years ago, I did contract a relatively rare disease, called Wegener's. It is 96% fatal if not contained.

    Right here, that's enough information on the disease.

    You see, I, like you found out the hard way that the vast majority of those people you were "palling around and partying with" are just "acquaintances".

    Acquaintances who, really do not want to hear about mortality, yours or anybody else's. They run from the thought of such things as pain, suffering and OMG, death. I found that a party invitation from an ill person (even a recovering one) will be ignored, not accepted, or even answered. I found that using your physical problems as an excuse for not doing well, or even leaving early; on a golf course, at a dance, at a party, causes more raise eyebrows and smirks even than it does garner any true sympathy.

    Anyway, after two years of battle against this disease, it was declared in remission, but as I look back over the battlefield of my life during that time, the casualties in friends were numerous, but the ones, the few even, that I still called "friend" were the precious ones.

    Today, I am still "in remission" but I am also on a strong and varied drug regimen. Some of these drugs have side effects that cause me to need other drugs. But that is the payment I make for waking up each morning, so it isn't so bad.

    And my BEST FRIEND? Why, my wife, of course.

    Have a great day, enjoy each one, and those few true friends you now have.

    DON

  • Supuni Fernando profile image

    Supuni Fernando 2 years ago from Colombo, Sri Lanka

    Indeed, it seems it has strengthened your mind and soul. All life experiences, negative or positive teaches you a lesson.

    Bless you too my dear.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    I really appreciate your comforting words. Those friends taught me a huge lesson in life. I was ignoring red flags for years with them, but when this happened to me, the light went on. I am stronger and wiser because of it. Bless you for coming by and sharing your thoughts.

  • Supuni Fernando profile image

    Supuni Fernando 2 years ago from Colombo, Sri Lanka

    I am sorry you had to go through this, indeed, finding valuable friends is hard and they don't deserve a dime of your time. One of the things I learnt is to never abandon your friends because hurting a person's feelings like that is not in my book.

    I am very glad that you survived this experience, no matter the scars you have, you need to keep living and prove them that you are strong.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    That is so sad to hear. I don't know how people like that sleep at night. Hope your having a great weekend Ed.

  • ahorseback profile image

    ahorseback 2 years ago

    Once many years ago my second cousins daughter was in an accident and a fund raiser was started for her and her infant daughter in banks , stores and other business' , sad part was , all of the cash drops were picked up by some unknown shyster ! She never saw a dime . There are some very meany pantsed people out there girl !

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    Aww-Ed, you have a way of just melting my heart. Thanks for noticing my loving family in the picture. That was another part of this whole experience that really hurt. Here my family is giving me a benefit out of love and they and me are attacked for it. I felt so betrayed and hurt that my family and I were being dissed. Nothing like taking love and making it ugly. Thankfully, I rose above it through the grace of God.

  • ahorseback profile image

    ahorseback 2 years ago

    By the way I just love the epidemic of grins at the top of the hub! Nothing in the world like true family and that love is there ! Be sweet and stay gorgeous !

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    Happy New Year Beth. Truth be told, I haven't been on HubPages much the last year or so. I come by now and then but have so much going on that it's hit or miss. I wrote this back in 2010-my life has come very far since then. I have really worked on loving myself more and don't hang around people that don't respect me or treat me the way I should be treated. I am grateful and happy to say that I will be 11 years cancer free this coming March. I actually had my surgery on St. Patrick's Day-2004 to remove the tumor from my middle lobe of right lung. Life is great and I love seeing you here. Bless you for your kind words here. I miss reading your work too. Love to you and hub hugs my friend.

  • Beth100 profile image

    Beth100 2 years ago from Canada

    I have not been on for close to three years because of various reasons. But come back and read something as hurtful as this, is just aweful. I feel for you. The way these three "friends" handled things is strictly selfish. It's obvious they could not handle the fact that you have loving friends and family. Jealousy rises quickly regardless of circumstances. It's a shame people can be like this, but you are better for it all -- for finding out who your real friends are, for having the courage to face your battles and for never resigning to be the victim by voicing yourself.

    I've missed reading your beautiful works, as well as your sisters.

    Happy New Year, and I hope to begin my journey here again. :)

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    Dear Peg-The diagnosis and the painful things that happened during that time, really did change me-for the better. God always has a plan that we often can't even imagine. Here, I thought I had worked so hard on myself and self-esteem issues etc... from my chaotic and painful childhood. Ha! Was I ever kidding myself. The fact that I was hanging around women that I thought loved me, is one of the things I learned loud and clear through God's grace. I look back and see how much crap I put up with-just sweeping things under the rug and making excuses for the so-called friends. My life is completely different now in that sense. Those that I call 'Friend', really are true friends. It's a give and take-50-50 relationship. I truly trust those people in my life now. Looking back, I see how I didn't really trust these women-I felt it, knew it, but didn't want to admit it, due to my self-esteem issues. God had a funny way of kicking me in the rear, so I could live the life he wanted for me. I thank God I have my twin sister, who is always there for me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for the kind, supportive comment you have left me. I am touched and feel love from you. God Bless friend :)

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    Dear, Sweet Ed-Man I love you and your awesome comment. I have always loved our connection here on HubPages. We are very like-minded or 'kindred spirits' as my father use to say. Can I just say how much I love that you hit the funny button on my story. Your the bomb! Indeed I learned so many things from the pain of this experience. I have really worked on truly loving myself and surrounding myself with those that love me back, genuinely. I am really feeling loved and moved by your comforting comment. You made my day dear friend. Hugs to you.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    Dear Pamela-Yes, I am grateful to say I am over ten years cancer free. God had plans for me and one was to help raise my twin sister's kids with her. It's been a journey full of love and learning. I love the words you used about my experience losing friends. 'Moth's and Butterflies' in my stomach-such great words that illustrate what I felt like during those hard, dark days. God Bless you for coming by. It is very healing for me to get support from my readers.

  • PegCole17 profile image

    Peg Cole 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

    Hello Minne, When I read this I realized the depth of changes that you've been through between the diagnosis and the loss of those you considered as friends. It is a difficult thing to find out that some people are not what you think they are. You are a stronger person now for having dealt with it in a straight forward manner and lucky to have your twin watching your back. I hope by now you are fully recovered and happier without those negative influences in your life.

  • ahorseback profile image

    ahorseback 2 years ago

    Linda ! My friend , we met here , and shared many many thoughts and feelings about life on hubs , so I'm going to say this , you don't need those kinds of friends ! Fear , guilt , jealousy , who knows why people act the way they do ? You my dear are far better off without them . These "friends " probably helped you in one way that's important , your anger from their betrayal probably helped you to fight the illness ! We have you now and that's pretty important ! Big Ole Hub hug for you ! I'm the guy that pushed the one funny button above because we have to just laugh at those women's loss of you as a friend .......Ed

  • Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

    Pamela Kinnaird W 2 years ago from Maui and Arizona

    This was wrenching to read. I can just imagine how your insides were being eaten up by butterflies and huge moths in your stomach with all this on your mind and no resolution in sight until your sister could give that first 'friend' a good straightening out. Meanwhile you were so sick. How wonderful that you have a loving sister, a twin yet! And I hope your health is really good now. I see that you wrote this four years ago.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    Hi Sandy-It was a painful realization to learn that you lose certain friends with a diagnosis. I'd heard about it but hoped it wouldn't happen to me.

  • SandyMertens profile image

    Sandy Mertens 2 years ago from Frozen Tundra

    It seems like times when you really need it, you find your real friends. Wishing you the best of health.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    Aww, thanks Peggy. My life is so full of joy now that I surround myself with true friends. The whole experience taught me so much about life. No more care- taking for me. Bless you for coming by. This hub continues to bring me peace and healing from friends like you.

  • Peggy Ingalls profile image

    Maggie Crooks 2 years ago from Purgitsville, WV

    I don't think I've commented before, Linda, but I think you are better off with those 3 "friends." They would have done nothing but bring you down. Thank God for your twin sister, and the friends you now have on here and RedGage! Hugs!

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 2 years ago from Minnesota

    You have me laughing so hard. I can just feel your emotions come through the computer.

    It was a very eye opening experience. I learned so much from that cancer diagnosis. I quit being so naïve, and now only surround myself with good people that I truly trust. Thanks so much for reading my story. It's really healing for me.

  • Lady Guinevere profile image

    Debra Allen 2 years ago from West By God

    OMG I just read this and how Crass those first two "friends" were. Medical assistance does not mean that it pays for everything. Heck today it doesn't even pay for half anymore. Another thing people like them have to realize is....you aren't dead. Life is for living! Go live it while you can! I think that I would have punched them in the face if they were in front of me.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

    Hi Stars~you are right-now I have only the truest friends around me these days. I really learned an eye opening lesson with that diagnosis. God Bless you Stars and I count you among my dear friends.

  • stars439 profile image

    stars439 3 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

    Dear Minnetonka Twin : You have many friends dear heart, and our Lord , and guardian angels are included. God Bless You, and You're loved ones.

  • manatita44 profile image

    manatita44 3 years ago from london

    Seems that I have really been reading and paying attention to this Hub, Linda. I see that I have commented at least three times. Anyway, I also re-visited your profile. Sometimes I feel others pain. Still, your last message gives me much hope.

    You and I, we are both sojourners along the way. I offer you my heart's love. I will get some sleep now.

    Higher blessings.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

    Beautiful words manatita44. God certainly held me during those scary and dark days. Thank you for your prayers and blessings and may you too be blessed. Many years (10) have gone by since this happened and I pray for the friends that hurt me. I forgave them long ago but will never forget. I really appreciate you coming by and giving me such a heart felt, thoughtful comment. My thoughts and prayers also go out to your sister. Sending her healing, positive energy.

  • manatita44 profile image

    manatita44 3 years ago from london

    Yes, Linda.

    I pray that you continue to feel blessed and stay blessed. I ask God to give you a stronger heart, continual faith and much beatitudes.

    Adversity and suffering also comes from the Cosmic forces, and do teach us, perhaps you will agree. I see people with cancer and my sister has it. I empathise and send you loving thoughts.

    Let us send out loving thoughts to others. It is better to do so and to avoid anything else.

    Walking towards the Light is always therapeutic, and pleasing to God. As such darkness is kept at bay. Let our light so shine that it glorifies our Father in Heaven. It's been six years. You are a unique child of God and have much to offer in a positive way. I feel that with reflection, you'll understand. Much peace.

  • CyberShelley profile image

    Shelley Watson 3 years ago

    I am sorry it hurt you so much, I witnessed this as I walked through cancer with an acquaintance of mine, who became a true friend. We were car park friends at school, and then one day over the Christmas holidays she phoned me and asked me to visit her in hospital and told me of her diagnosis. I took her to every chemo she had for 2.5 years, none of her 'real' friends were there, not even her husband who was scared witless, sure they phoned, but never offered to be with her, help her when she was sick. They were scared, she understood that and only ever spoke of them with kindness. She taught me so much, about real strength and forbearance and to this day her strength gives me courage, she helped me when I could no longer hold my tears, it was she who said "It's okay, don't worry, I am alright, I am happy and I am ready." Her amazing strength is a guiding light. Your friends do not know how much they are missing, as every cancer patient and survivor can teach you so much about resilience, kindness, faith, and strength of character. You are a marvel, and they have lost out.

  • skye2day profile image

    skye2day 3 years ago from Rocky Mountains

    Minnetonka twin. Back at you precious child of God. Ten Years!!! Amazing and wonderful. It is obvious God had more work for you twin. Hub pages being on HIS list. Love n Hugs Skye

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

    Dear Carola-I am sorry to hear you have seen this in your breast cancer journey as well. I was so shocked when these women did the 'about face' on me after the diagnosis. My cancer therapist actually warned me about this phenomenon before it happened. I couldn't believe it ended up happening to me. I guess I thought, "no, not my friends, they wouldn't do this to me." How wrong I was-The good thing about it is that I realized I had been putting up with way too much crap from them through the years and it was the best thing that could have happened. The chaos is out of my life and I am now surrounded by 'True Friends' these days. It feels really good. Thanks so much for coming by and for sharing your own story.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

    Dear Skye-My heart is so full of love after reading your precious and thoughtful comment. You are such a special sister in Christ to me. Your comment is yet another part of my healing journey. I did forgive the women in my heart and often pray for them. It was a hard time but it taught me a lot about myself. My life after this whole cancer journey is amazing. I will be ten years cancer free this St. Patrick's Day. Praise Jesus for healing me. Love you dearly my friend. Have a blessed day and thank you so much for your comforting words to me.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

    Wow, now I get why your pen name is FlourishAnyway. I am sorry to hear you went through this too. You really figure out who your real friends are when you go through a health issue. I also had people who were there for me that I didn't expect. Don't worry, I did have good friends that were there for me through this painful time. I agree with you that part of this reaction to someone getting sick , is fears about their own health and well being. Thank you so much for coming by and sharing your own story. I think it's good for people to see what can happen during an illness.

  • Carola Finch profile image

    Carola Finch 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

    Just read your hub. I am a breast cancer survivor and can relate in some areas. It is amazing that people who are your friends for years suddenly don't have time for you. No one will call with a word of encouragement or to find out how you am doing. I did have some faithful friends who helped me through the ordeals of chemo, two surgeries, radiation, and every test under the sun.

    Sadly, people these days seem to value money over people. If they think money is being misused, they say stupid, hurtful things without even realizing that they are hurting someone with a terminal illness. I think it is disgusting.

    Thanks for sharing your story. God bless and give you long life.

  • skye2day profile image

    skye2day 3 years ago from Rocky Mountains

    Minnetonka Twin. God Bless you dear sister. God tells us in Scripture He can turn all things for the good for those that love Him. Amen. As you said the growth from the experience has been a blessing. Sharing your testimony and how you got through is a blessing indeed. Many can be helped because of your story and it can give much hope to another. God will get us through, Amen. He will never leave nor forsake us. Hebrews 3:13

    This story written 3 years ago. I take it that you are recovered!!!! Amazing grace how sweet it is. Only God knows our time. Doctors can make a medical guess but our God takes us home when it is time.

    God will expose our hearts and these woman were less than kind. I think when we are injured or hurt by another we need to forgive to be free, and pray for them. (Because we too are forgiven) They too are sick, Spiritually. God told us we will be persecuted and have trials and tribulations in this lifetime. In those times He draws us closer to Him. I am grateful you did not get angry at God. God is amazing how He turns all things for the good. Keep going girl. Thank you for your heartfelt story. It took great courage to write. I think it is a part of you letting go and healing! Way to go. Much love and May God continue to shine on you and yours. Love, Skye

    voted and shared precious sister.

  • FlourishAnyway profile image

    FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

    I am sorry this happened to you. It was painful for me to read your story. When I was diagnosed with MS, it happened to me too. I didn't have the physical abilities at that point to keep up with my so-called friends -- had gone blind in one eye, developed numbness throughout my body, had trouble lifting 15 pounds, etc. "Friends" dropped me like a hot potato once. I was no longer useful and I reminded them of life's frailty. (If it could happen to me, it could happen to them.) But there were also kind people I had no idea I could count on, no idea what they were made of. I hope you had some of those people in your life, too.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

    Thank you so much OldRoses. It hurt like heck at the time but as I look back, I see that it took a cancer diagnosis to make me realize they were not my friends. I've always been one to look for the silver lining in those tough times. God Bless for coming by. Happy New year almost :-)

  • OldRoses profile image

    Caren White 3 years ago from Franklin Park, NJ

    I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. I'm so glad that you are a survivor and are speaking out. Hopefully your efforts will open people's eyes.

  • manatita44 profile image

    manatita44 3 years ago from london

    Karibu (You're welcome)

    The Christmas Greetings are reciprocal. Tomorrow, inshal'lah, I will visit a Monastery and keep you in my thoughts. Higher Blessings to you, friends and loved ones.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

    God Bless you for your supportive words. Yes, life is awesome these days and I have an amazing circle of friends that I can count on. Sometimes it takes a knock over the head to figure things out but I am so grateful for it. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you. I really appreciate you reading my story.

  • manatita44 profile image

    manatita44 3 years ago from london

    Hi Minnetonka Twin,

    You seem to have come out better for this. Adversity teaches us many lessons and can be a great friend. You seem to know this. Continue to share with your new circle and elevate others. God speed!!

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

    Aww, thank you so much Maggie for your kind words. Now that I think back on those so-called friends, I shutter. I put up with so much crap from them. I have friends now that I fully trust and It's so nice that It's not one-sided. You never know the silver linings an illness can bring until it happens to you. I'm healthy, happy and love myself these days. No putting up with people's garbage because I have a need to be liked. Those days are gone. Woo Hoo!

  • Maggie Crooks profile image

    Maggie Crooks 4 years ago

    I am truly glad to see you still alive and smiling. Like you said, these women were never your friends. I would never begrudge someone who might die, however soon, a little bit of extra happiness. Girl, I am so happy to have you as one of my friends!

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

    Hi Maria~it was hard~ but you are right, I gained the truest friends after that experience. I no longer hang out with people that treat me badly. I really learned a lot during that difficult time. Thanks for the support and heart-felt comment.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

    Hi Mekenzie~your comment really touched me and I thank you so much for the support. It was a devastating time and I'm glad it's behind me. I remember laying in bed, sick from chemo and in pain from the heart break. It was a crummy thing they did but it taught me who my true friends really were. Bless you for coming by and making my day.

  • Maria Cecilia profile image

    Maria Cecilia 4 years ago from Philippines

    oh so sad about that.. but for sure you have lost 2 or 3 friends, but you gained more.....I can understand how you feel but I know you are much more happier now...

  • Mekenzie profile image

    Susan Ream 4 years ago from Michigan

    This broke my heart! How cruel of the 'so called' friends to attack you while your world was coming down around you.

    How kind of your family to find a way to encourage you and ease the suffering by putting together a fund raiser - Yeah Family! Your sis .. man do I love that gal .. you hang on to her!

    I am so glad you had the courage to write this and believe that many will identify with the gut wrenching pain of betrayal. Your story is particularly heavy considering the timing. Praise God you are able to forgive them and move on.

    Rejoicing with you that you are surrounded by positive and supportive friends and family. God has done a work in you! :)

    Blessings and HUGS from one of your many fans!

    Mekenzie

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

    Thanks Rebecca. It hurt like hell when I had to accept they weren't what I thought they were, but once the pain subsided, I was and am much stronger and wiser. My advice to people is "do not waste time with people like that. Life is way too short!

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

    Thanks so much torrilynn. This terrible experience really made me grow up and quit being so naïve. In a certain way, they did me a favor. They made me took a real good look at myself and the crap I put up with for too long. Always had been a pushover, even when it came to sacrificing my and my needs. Now I hang out with people that give back and earn the friendship. Thanks for reading and sharing this~I really appreciate it.

  • rebeccamealey profile image

    Rebecca Mealey 4 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

    This is an amazing testament of learning about people and their motives. You are a strong person. Your friend is weak and superficial. I wish you the best, and thanks for sharing your story.

  • torrilynn profile image

    torrilynn 4 years ago

    It is truly nonsense that these former friends of yours could be so evil. All you did was give give give to them and when you needed them the most they weren't around, they abandoned you. Voted up and shared for others to see that not every one is your friend and for everyone to get a chance to read about your incredible journey.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

    Wow Maggs-you have me very teary eyed by your inspirational words. I do forgive my friends and I do pray for them. I do believe that you are right. They thought my family was doing something wrong by giving me (a single woman with nothing in savings) a fundraiser. Then the calls and emails starting coming and next thing, all three of the girls were working each other up about it. It got ugly and I was so hurt. That was many years ago now and I have bumped into one of them a few times. I always make sure to say hello but I don't put my energy into pretending to want more than that. We are all human and I learned there is lots of ignorance in terms of what people think of fundraiser's and who should have them. When I was going through oncology counseling, my therapist said that she hears this same story time and time again. It's about fear, ignorance and in some cases envy. I said, "why on earth would they be envious? who on earth would want cancer. I would rather be well and not need a fundraiser." It sure has been a learning lesson for me not only spiritually but educationally. I want others to know my story so they don't do what was done to Job. Thanks so much Maggs for your loving and comforting words. I have only the real true friends now so it all worked out. God Bless you friend.

  • maggs224 profile image

    maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain

    I am so glad Linda that you have finally got this off your chest, it is a brave thing to write about a time in your life when your dreadful illness was compounded by so many negative feelings caused by the behaviour of friends.

    I am sure many people will be helped by what you have written.

    I think FriendofTruth hit the nail on the head when she shared the book of Job with you.

    Job’s friends sound like they were coming from a similar place to your friends. Job’s friends misread what they saw and then made assumptions that were based on that misreading.

    They thought that Job was doing something wrong and they were trying to get him to repent to stop.

    When Job’s friends told him, what they thought was going on, they thought that they were being good friends and looking out for Job’s relationship with God.

    I come from a country that has free health care (I know that we pay for it through our taxes) but I know that even when the medical costs are covered that still leaves many other areas that are affected by what is going on medically that are not.

    I remember when my son was badly burned and in the burns unit at a hospital only 15 miles away. The petrol costs alone for me and my husband to make the journey to the hospital so we could take turns stopping with my son, soon ate its way through our already stretched budget.

    I am glad that you have managed to work your way through this and that you still love them and have forgiven them. Don’t let your enemy steal the peace that you have found and the blessing that you now walk in.

    Whenever the enemy brings to your mind these friends and the hurt that you experienced through what they did to you, use it instead as a reminder that you have already forgiven them.

    Then, pray for them and bless them, which leaves no room for the hurt again. Then as you have already found, praying for them and blessing them, closes the door on the power of that situation to continue to hurt you.

    What our enemies meant for our harm God turns and uses to bless us. I have found that many of my most treasured experiences and growth have come out of my darkest times.

    God bless you Linda and your dear twin Laura

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

    Dear healthylife2-Wow, so many of us has seen so much loss at a time when we just needed friends and family to listen and love us. I was blown away that the friends I thought wouldn't ditch me, did, and the ones I wasn't sure about, were great support. It taught me so much about who I was trusting. I am now surrounded by only those that truly care about me. It was a lesson I needed to learn the hard way.

  • healthylife2 profile image

    Healthy Life 5 years ago from Connecticut, USA

    A cancer diagnosis definitely shows you who your true friends are. I had one friend that basically disappeared while I was going through chemo and then wanted to be back in my life. Other friends did what they found helpful rather than listening or asking what I needed. It is definitely one of those lessons learned. However I appreciate those friends that really showed support even if it was a simple e-mail asking how I was feeling. Glad you got those negative people out of your life!

  • profile image

    Sparkle604 5 years ago

    In the last decade, I've gone through two major surgeries, loss of a long-time job, my mother's death and my father's stroke. The people I expected to be there for me weren't. I don't have close friends now and am glad of it. I can't be hurt again. I've finally learned to cherish each day as it comes. My beloved cats are my friends and family.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

    Dear urbanbohemiac-I thank you so much for your honest comments here. The depiction of the despicable way you have been treated makes me angry, sick and so very sad for your. I had some of those experiences too but nothing like you have had. I am so sorry to hear everything you've been through. It's not enough to be sick at your young age but then the ignorance, rudeness and being treated like a leper is too much. I do acknowledge that there are those in this world that don't get it and never will and treat others with disrespect. The cancer journey showed me many things that I wouldn't have had the chance to see. Even some family members blew my mind with judging me for different things and thinking they had the right to tell how to live my life, what stores I should and shouldn't go to etc...Although I saw some icky things, it woke me up and helped me be less naïve. Please write me on my email here any time. I would love to support you through all of this. I am sooo sooo sorry for all your dealing with. I wish I could make it better for you. I'm shook up and very emotional after reading your story.

  • urbanbohemiac profile image

    urbanbohemiac 5 years ago

    I feel bad for your past pain. I agree that it was terrible. It sounds like you learned a good amount about humanity from the experience. I do not think you learned enough though. I do not think people who come out of the experience with a remaining belief in humanity or thoughts like the people who abandoned you were merely examples of bad friends/people.

    I sound bitter and dark because I am bitter and I have been ravaged by the darkness of humanity. I am terminally ill and unfortunately did not luck and get one that has many treatment options or any possibly of curing/getting rid of it. You may remember the feeling of wondering are you going be dead in a few months or longer or sooner?? The feeling of pain and sick in your body that you don't have any way to relate or compare to anything else you've ever felt.

    Being 27 years old (my age) and knowing you only have a few more years at best if awful. Its even worse when one of the disease's primary targets are the nervous system and you are mentally degrading to the point where people think you are and treat you like a head case/patient who is off his meds. The experience of having a disease that few people have heard about and fewer care about. Being treated like you might be lying (because you do not have your medical charts and a textbook describing your illness on you at all times), but at the same time they see you are sick so they think that it is not completely fake and so must be because of drugs or alcohol or something like you are hurting yourself or doing it to yourself. All those suspicions coming at you as you are lying there on a stretcher in a random ER you land in after collapsing in the street where you are left because you get treated like a leper for being in bad shape. Lying in that ER seizing and vomiting while they try to ask you idiotic, bigoted, and/or ludicrous/irrational questions that you could not possibly answer because you are barely conscious. Yeah, that's life for a lot of terminally ill American, because they don't have PR powerhouses posting and advertising everywhere possible about their disease(s) and few facilities that are knowledgeable or treat their illness(es). That kind of thing happens because humans, I mean the human species, are naturally inclined to being rotten scum sucking vermin rather than being even slightly sensitive.

    I'm dying but I get treated and stared at very often like I am a criminal or some kind of plague on anyone I happen to be within 10 yards of. And I don't think anyone who finds their way away from dying is saying everything if they are not acknowledging on some level the freakish levels of evilness running through the society, the world we live in, and permeating throughout the majority of humanity.

    It may not sound like it, but it is very true that I feel very empathetic for the pain you have suffered and care very much about your experience and your life. I feel though it is a duty of mine before I die to convey information and such about the terrible truths that are practically and often literally hidden from public knowledge within mainstream society.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

    Wow Bobbi-I have goosebumps after reading your wise comment. You totally get it! I love how your mom taught you that these type of friends are the "good times friends." It was shocking and painful when all of this went down and I had to accept they were jerks but it was all worth the pain in the long run. I too have many friends with the few that I 'KNOW' have my back. It took me cancer to figure it out but some of us have to learn the hard way. I did have other experiences with these women but I let it slide. It was clear when they did this, that this was all I needed to know. Sis took care of it so I could heal. She was livid! I did have to grieve the loss of what I 'thought' I had in these friends but once I was through it, I was and am stronger for it. Hee Hee-I loved your Karma is a bitch-Your right, it is and maybe it will come in the form of them getting a scary diagnosis and then look back at how they treated me. Life is awesome and I hang around people I truly trust and know they love me as I love them. I thank you so much for your wise and heart felt comment. It's really comforting, even after all this time. Love your hub friend :-)P.S.-say hi to your sis for me and I hope she is in good health these days.

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile image

    PurvisBobbi44 5 years ago from Florida

    Hi Minnetonka Twin,

    These friends were what my mother called, “Good Times Friend” as long as everyone was having fun they were your friends.

    And I know it hurts to be so ill from cancer and from the effects of Chemo treatments (My sister went through it also, and like your sister I was there for her every step of the way) and if one has never witness what a person goes through----then one’s comprehension is lacks in the illness of Cancer.

    I know some people are so uncouth, and really when they should show their best face---they show their asinine side.

    These people are not worth a thought----and never expect everyone to be the good and kind person like you---then you will not be disappointed, that is harsh I know---but it is one of my life rules---and I have a lot of friends----a few very close ones--- whom I know has my back.

    I am happy you are doing well now and I hope that life has so many wonderful things in store for you.

    And Karma is a Bitch----(excuse me) so I am glad I am not in the shoes of the non-friends.

    Life is so much sweeter now isn’t it? My sister Paula knows what you are feeling, and what you still go through. May God Bless you both.

    Your Hub Friend,

    Bobbi

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

    Hi CR Rookwood-Just like you felt about my so called 'friends,' I am disgusted by the nurse in training and have to say she's in the wrong field. I bet your mouths just dropped when she said that. I sure hope you reported her for being so insensitive and rude. I hope your wife is doing well these days and thanks so much for stopping by.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

    How eloquently put fpherj48. It was a gesture from my family because they knew I wouldn't work for a long time and knew I was single and had NO money in savings. I just loved your last paragraph. Awesome! Empowering! and right to the point. Bless you for stopping and leaving such a heart felt comment.

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    TWIN....Although this story saddens and disgusts me, I am all too painfully aware that "friends" can and do sometimes shock and appall us, at the worst damned times.

    It's not even worth the effort to try to analyze.

    I understand why this devastated you, my friend, but you were right to go beyond that and focus on yourself and your health. This was of foremost importance.....people come and go in our life....but, in fact, we do only have ONE life.

    People who have never been through a catastrphic illness and all that occurs because of the disruption to our life and the incredible struggle......have absolutely NO CLUE what is involved or what they are talking about! There can never be enough help and support. No matter how your medical costs were to be covered, there are numerous other expsenses, an income to replace and family members to care for, as well.

    A Fund raiser is a gesture of love and kindness....it is people helping people when it's needed most. Any individual who puts a negative slant to this, is simply a selfish, judgemental & pathetic slug. These are the types of people we pity.

  • CR Rookwood profile image

    Pamela Hutson 5 years ago from Moonlight Maine

    Wow, how horrible. It's weird how you don't learn who your friends really are until things get tough like that. But I'm sorry you had to discover it in such a hurtful way. On the 'up' side (if there is one), at least you aren't wasting any more time on these awful women. What is wrong with them?

    Weirdly, some Americans seem to believe people should 'earn' their healthcare and can be very cruel about expressing their stupid opinions. My spouse nearly died in 2008, and one of the nurses in training said on one of the hospitalizations that she felt people "Should earn health care" and it shouldn't be just passed out to anyone. We looked at each other flabbergasted. When she left we figured, there's a girl who has never lost her health or a loved one. All that education and no compassion.

    Thank you for having the courage to share this. God bless.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

    Hi Audrey-I don't know what I would have done without my loving sister. She was so mad when she heard of what was going on and took over. She told me to only think about my health and healing and she'd take care of these drama queens. She didn't want me wasting my energy on any of this but of course It was shocking to figure out they weren't true friends. It did hurt initially but it taught me a lot. Thanks for your loving words.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

    Thanks so much breakfastpop-Your words are very comforting. It was a horrible time and I'm just glad I figured out what I kinda knew all along. The cancer diagnosis really had me clean house on those so called friends. I only surround myself with positive people that really have my back, nowadays. I appreciate your support :-)

  • AudreyHowitt profile image

    Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

    Such a difficult experience for you and such a difficult hub to write. So much pain and difficult times--But you are a survivor--a strong and capable woman with a truly loving family--you and your sister as so very close--I am sure that was some consolation during those times and even now--

  • breakfastpop profile image

    breakfastpop 5 years ago

    I am so sorry that you had to endure this while literally struggling for your life. They were never your friends and were never worthy of your friendship. I wish you only the very best. Enjoy your second chance and never give any of them another thought. I think you are courageous and amazing.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

    Thanks so much janikon, I really appreciate your kind words. I look back now and see how many red flags there were with these so called friends. They say that every difficult situation in life can teach us something and I have learned to love myself more and not put up with people that want to drag me down. I am much stronger now and more thoughtful about who I choose to hang around.

  • janikon profile image

    Stuart A Jeffery 5 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

    I cannot believe these supposed friends would treat you so badly, especially considering what you were going through. I have seen people battle cancer and it takes so much from them, what anyone needs is support not ridicule and spurn. You are a strong woman for being able to deal with this, and I am happy to see you have a strong familial system to aide you.

    Voted Up. Awesome. Beautiful and Interesting. Sharing, as well.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

    Dear molometer-Is Linda going through chemo right now? What type of cancer does she have if your comfortable saying. Chemo was hell for me and the last thing I should have been worrying about is these so called friends causing drama. I hope Linda is doing alright now. Please let me know. Your both in my thoughts and prayers. I also want to thank you for sharing this story and hitting buttons for it.

  • molometer profile image

    molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

    Hello Linda,

    With friends like that who needs enemies?

    I can honestly say that I know how you feel.

    You know my Linda is on chemo-therapy, it almost killed her. People just do not get it at all.

    I am so happy that you are here now.

    We learn some harsh truths in tough times.

    Life is truly precious. Shame about those so called friends. Voted beautiful and awesome sharing.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Dear Sneha-You sure are wise for someone your age. Yes, I learned so much in that painful time. Don't waste time on people that don't have your back and live life everyday as if it's your last. It was a sad experience but I look back now and am so glad I cleaned house with people in my life that were dragging me down. Have a great weekend :-)

  • Sneha Sunny profile image

    Sneha Sunny 6 years ago from India

    Sad to hear that, Linda... It's better to have no friends than having friends like this. But I'm glad that the hard time has gone now and now you know who is actually your true friend and who was just 'pretending' to be your true friend. Every incidence in our life teaches us some very important lessons. Even a small incidence. And we should never ignore them. Your story is helpful for others as well. Awesome hub...though sad.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Thanks Moonlake-Everything happens for a reason and as painful as it was to accept they weren't true friends, It taught me alot and made me stronger.

  • moonlake profile image

    moonlake 6 years ago from America

    I never had people walk out on me that were my friends when I became sick but I did have people not want to be friends with me when they found I was sick. It's a shame those women treated you that way.

    Good Hub.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Thanks for stopping chuckandus. I realized after my diagnosis that I was dismissing a lot of bad treatment fromm these three friends but I wasn't ready to see it until this. I am grateful I had the eyes to see it for what it was after so much.

  • chuckandus6 profile image

    Nichol marie 6 years ago from The Country-Side

    I agree that It is a terrible feeling but I do believe people worry about seeing their friends/family sick and actually become withdrawn. Great posting though and I am glad that everything is going great.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Thank you kaiyan. It does help to write about it. That's why I love to write because it's so healing empowering. I appreciate you coming by:)

  • kaiyan717 profile image

    kaiyan717 6 years ago from West Virginia

    It is truly sad to see the truth of our friends. God Bless and I am glad you can find comfort and power in writing.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Awesome-Thanks Wrath:)

  • Wrath Warbone profile image

    Terry Chestnutt 6 years ago from Cleveland, Ohio

    Thanks for your kind reply. Johanna Budwig's inexpensive books are available at amazon.com.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Hello Wrath and thanks for your great recommendation. I will go into that site post haste. This sounds really amazing. I take a lot of supplements and one of them is omega 3 flax oil. Thanks again, I really appreciate your thoughtfulness:)

  • Wrath Warbone profile image

    Terry Chestnutt 6 years ago from Cleveland, Ohio

    Hi,

    Did you ever hear of the Budwig Cancer Protocol? Please read Cancer: Its Cause And Cure by Johanna Budwig. She was a Phd in Physics and Biochemistry who was nominated seven times for the nobel prize for her ground breaking work with making fats more understandable to scientists. Later, she discovered that the fat tissues in cancer patients are always mishapend and prescribed a simple inexpesive treatment using Flax Oil and cottage cheese to restore the fat tissues in the blood to normal. Her patients recovered ninety five percent of the time. When taken to court many times about her claims she won always. Google "Budwig Cancer Protocol", treatment or cure and find lots of free info on the subject.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Ya-stuff em is right.

    It's so shocking to me how many stories I am hearing about how we lose friends when were sick. I had no idea this was so common until I was diagnosed. I love hearing that your doing well and fit as a fiddle. Here's to us survivors. To those who blew us off when we most needed them, they are the ones that lost out.

  • earnestshub profile image

    earnestshub 6 years ago from Melbourne Australia

    I saw the same thing with so-called friends when I got cancer. As soon as it looked to be terminal, people just disappeared out of my life. Not all of them, but enough to be very upsetting at the time. It took me 5 years to recover. That was 15 years ago, and I am now fit enough to hold a full grown bull out to pee, so stuff em!

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Hi Glemoh101-You and I are blessed to know this important life lesson. Many of us continue to put up with too much from people and sacrifice ourselves. Thanks for reading my hub. Happy New Year to my new hub friend:)

  • Glemoh101 profile image

    Glemoh101 6 years ago

    Yes i agree with you , I like the hard times because its show me who is my real friend from who just say I'm your friend!!

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    DREAM ON-Thanks so much for your heartfelt message here. I would love to pretend that this disease doesn't exist. Here's to rainbows and sunshine and little puppies. LOL

  • DREAM ON profile image

    DREAM ON 6 years ago

    I have only seen th effects of cancer through friends and relatives like Aunts and Uncles.I just try to think of what it would be like for one day of chemo and how mentally and physically I would be totally wiped out.I try to bring out the smile in people.I don't know what to do with tears.They just break my heart and I wish it wasn't so.I know technology and advances in medicine are tremendous.I keep hoping for more cures.I think at times like this I just like to pray for those who are trying to get healthy and maybe someway we can make other people strong.Once again I feel your pain and with deep compassion I wish you the best.Keep writing and I want to hear about all the good things that nock your socks off.Even if for only a minute we can pretend cancer never exists.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Jim-Thanks so much my friend for reading about my experience with people I thought were my friends. I will be seven years cancer-free this coming St. Patrick's Day. I am so grateful to be here and grateful that I am surrounded by people that love me. cancer is such a horrid disease indeed. I have also lost many to this disease. Peace and hope your holiday season is going well so far. :)

  • TheManWithNoPants profile image

    TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

    These poor empty souled individuals must be miserable inside. How awful it must be to be completely hollow, and have a void that large within. My first impulse is to back hand them both, but what they really need is some serious prayer. I'm so glad you found victory over cancer MT. I've lost my mother and three friends in the last two years to that horrible disease.

    I was slow to get here, but glad I got to read this!

    jim

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Hi Susan-God Bless your kind words. It feels so good having a hubber friend that knows what this struggle is like. I am definitely strong and learned so much from this bad experience. I know God was telling me that I couldn't make excuses anymore for how they treated me. I finally saw the writing on the wall loud and clear and it said, "WE ARE NOT TRUE FRIENDS." My life is now full of love and peace. No more high maintenance friendships. I thank God I had my twin sister dealing with this drama, so I could try to focus on healing and surviving. I am so glad you are here too-Here's to many many years on this earth (to both of us). God Bless:)

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    breathe2travel-Thanks for all your support on my hubs. I really appreciate it. Yes, I think some of this behavior comes down to ignorance of a situation. I really felt like they were thinking I needed to die to deserve a fundraiser. As I just wrote that sentence I realize how unbelievably crummy they were to me. Anyway, thanks for your support on this.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    Happyboomernurse-You are so kind and gentle in your words to me. You are so right that medical bills are only part of financial problems. I was a single woman with nothing in savings. When I told my oncology therapist this story, she said people get really scared when someone they knows gets a disease. She also said that she hears this story of loss of friends often. She also educated me that anyone can have a fundraiser for any reason. I guess part of the pain of them bad mouthing the fundraiser was that it was them also bad mouthing my loving family that believed I needed it. Thanks for sharing your heart with me on this hub. This was a tough time for me but now I am so happy and can't imagine hanging out with these people again. Life is too short and too precious to deal with this kind of drama with so-called friends.

  • Minnetonka Twin profile image
    Author

    Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

    2patricias-You are right on the money. Cancer does simplify life. You see what's important and what isn't. I have made many changes in my life since the diagnosis. God Bless you for reading my hub and giving me support on this. Peace:)