Stages of the Dying Process and What to Expect
Are you afraid of witnessing a loved one pass away?
Death is a Natural Part of Life
If a loved one dies quickly and unexpectedly, such as in a car accident, we do not have the opportunity to witness the end-of-life process.
On the other hand, when a loved one is slowly dying from an illness or simply as a result of aging, we may have the opportunity to observe the unique process one goes through when it is time to leave this earth. Either way, death is difficult to accept—and yet it is a part of life that we cannot change.
Since we don't often have the opportunity to be present when a loved one dies, typically we do not know what to expect.
It is an extremely emotional experience that can be overwhelming for many. Having a better understanding of the stages of the dying process will hopefully help ease this experience for all involved.
This article is not at all meant to be dark or morbid. Death is a normal part of the life cycle and something everyone will go through.
Being aware of the stages one goes through at the end of life will give loved ones an opportunity to be less fearful. Knowing what to expect will allow you to be present in the moment with much compassion. You may even experience gratitude for opportunity to accompany your loved one through this unique process.— Sharyn
Have you ever been with someone as they died?
What to Expect When a Loved One is Nearing the End of Life
Just like each individual’s path in life is unique, so is their path to death. The process of dying may unfold differently for each individual, yet there are physical signs and symptoms that are typically observed.
Understanding what a person and their body are going through when preparing for death will be helpful to those who wish to be close during this time. Recognizing the stages of the dying process will allow you to:
- participate in the process
- be able to appropriately comfort your loved one
- be present in the moment
- be able to continue taking care of yourself, as well
4-12 Weeks Prior to Death
Sign or Symptom
Tired and sleeping more
Longer periods of sleep occur more often.
Start to show lack of interest in the television, newspapers and everyday life. Begin separating from daily routines. Not interested in visiting with company or talking on the phone. Appears to be more content sitting quietly, thinking to self.
Less talking. Communicating less with speech and more with using touch and gestures may be noticeable.
Not as hungry
No appetite, eating less and less. Simply not hungry as the body needs less and less fuel to keep going. Food that is more difficult to chew and digest will be turned down first. Intake will continue to diminish until only liquids are desired.
1-4 Weeks Prior to Death
Sign or Symptom
Increased agitation and restlessness, especially noticeable with arm movements.
Sleep even more now causing additional confusing when awake. Confusion regarding time, dates, people, places and events. Possibly talking out loud to someone who is not there. It is common for chatting to occur with a loved one who has already passed on.
Blood pressure will begin to lower and pulse may begin to rise.
Body temperature will commonly fluctuate from cold to fever causing unusual perspiration.
Color of skin
Will change to a pale yellowish complexion and bluish over the rest of the body.
Normal respirations of 16-20 breaths per minute may increase to 50 or decrease to as low as 6 breaths per minute. "Puffing” of the lips when exhaling may be noticeable. Breathing may stop briefly then restart again.
A “rattling” sound may be present in the lungs and upper throat due to congestion. As congested breathing symptoms come and go, coughing may occur as well.
1-7 Days Prior to Death
Sign or Symptom
A brief noticeable surge in energy may occur and is common. May show an increase in movement that requires use of excessive energy. May be strangely more alert and less disoriented then they have been in a long time. May talk more, ask questions, request something they would like or people whom they would like to see. May eat and drink more than they have in awhile.
Intensity of signs and symptoms from prior weeks
Changes that began to occur over the past month will intensify. Lack of oxygen in the blood will cause increased restlessness. Breathing is slower and more irregular and may stop for longer periods of time and then start again. Congestion can become very loud. Areas of the body such as toenails, fingernails, elbows, hands, knees, ankles, legs, back and buttocks become blotchy and more bluish or purple in color.
Appear to be in two worlds at once
Those at the end of life may seem to be in two worlds at once. They could talk directly to someone who is in the room with them and the next moment, appear to be speaking or paying attention to someone who is not there. They may use unusual gestures or speech that may not make sense to others.
Urine output decreases and turns dark in color from natural dehydration.
Final Day and Hours Prior to Death
Sign or Symptom
Hearing is the last sense that remains. Talk to your loved one even though they are unable to respond back to you.
Eyes may be tearing and have a glassy look. They may be partially open but unlikely able to see at this point.
Unable to be awakened
Becomes generally non responsive and is unable to be awakened.
Normal gasping for air, described as a “fish out of water,” will occur. Often these final breaths are followed by a few more breaths that are spaced far apart. Following the final breath, it is normal that the mouth remains open. The eyes may open as well.
The spirit has now left the physical body.
Things You Can Do to Comfort Your Loved One at the End of Life
As the body goes through the process of shutting down, understanding the signs and symptoms will help in coping with them. There are things you can do to make your loved one more comfortable, enhancing their quality of life in their final weeks.
- First and foremost, ask for help if necessary. You do not have to do this alone. Talk with your medical provider to discuss what is needed.
- If they are in pain, speak with your medical provider to determine what can be done to comfort your loved one.
- Keep the temperature in their room comfortable. Use soft blankets to keep them warm.
- Keep your loved one clean.
- Sit with them often so they are not alone.
- Speak clearly in a normal tone of voice. Always assume they can hear everything that is said.
- If necessary, remind them who you are by identifying yourself so they are less confused.
- Be patient.
- Read to them.
- Play soothing music for them.
- Do not force them to eat or drink if they do not want it.
- Use chips of ice if mouth is dry being sure they are still able to swallow.
- Placing a cool, moist cloth on their forehead is comforting.
- Reposition them often in bed to prevent bed sores.
- Touch and hold their hand.
- Give your loved one reassurance and permission to let go. Let them know that you will be okay. Say whatever words of love and support that comes from your heart.
This is a difficult process and one that most of us wish we did not have to go through. Even when a person is exhibiting many of the usual signs and symptoms of the dying process, no one can predict the exact timing. Therefore, it is important to make sure you take care of yourself. Make sure you eat appropriately and get adequate rest so you can be in the present with your loved one. Best wishes!
This is Sharyn's Slant
Questions & Answers
I am witnessing my 93-year-old dad dying of old age. He has stopped eating but still wants to take in fluids. He seems very peaceful and not in pain. My sister, on the other hand, thinks he might be in pain and wants to bring in hospice to start him on morphine and take away all fluids and have him on oxygen because she feels like it's time for him to die. Can a person die naturally and not be in pain?
Yes, absolutely a person can die naturally and not be in pain.