I Am a Loner: The Happy Loner Personality

Updated on January 10, 2017
Like a solitary rose, I am a loner.
Like a solitary rose, I am a loner. | Source

I Am a Loner

I am a loner. And despite how others have treated me throughout my life, I am happy. Why? Because I am not like them. Loners are individuals. They are true to themselves. So why are people loners anyway? And how do you develop a happy loner personality?

Why Are Some People Loners?

Here are four common reasons people become loners.

  • Bad experiences with people. If you have been repeatedly been taken advantage of, stolen from, attacked, abused, humiliated, manipulated, lied to, or had your heart or spirit broken too many times to count, you might clam yourself up and become solitary. If the experience of being with others brings stress and unhappiness, you will learn to keep your distance from people.

  • Naturally shy. People who are naturally shy or considered "overly nice" often find themselves bullied because they are thought to be weak. In reality, they are simply good people who have no desire to hurt others. If you want to know why are people loners, this is often the biggest reason. A pattern of bullying often repeats itself throughout a person's life. The bullied person decides that being away from people is more peaceful.

  • High level of intelligence. People who have a very high level of intelligence sometimes find their peers of average intelligence to be less than stimulating. This person may not wish to spend time with others because he or she feels their everyday pursuits are uninteresting.

  • Unique individuals. People who have different ways of dressing, expressing themselves, or who have unusual pursuits are sometimes ostracized for being different. While some people will change to suit group standards, people who simply want to enjoy their lives and be themselves may shun groups of peers and group settings.

Choosing to Be Alone Is a Coping Mechanism at First

At first, being a loner is often the result of negative experiences. And the solitude at the outset is a coping mechanism. While some may choose alcohol, struggle to belong, or become themselves vicious people in order to "survive" socially, the loner chooses to remove him or herself from the negative stimuli so they can feel comfortable and at rest.

The Loner Often Blossoms Away from the Negative Stimuli

People who are allowed to be themselves and be comfortable with who they are outside of social groups often have amazing life experiences that shape their lives and contribute to their overall happiness. The loner personality may even go further in life than people who are social butterflies or have a large group of friends. This is because social butterflies usually do not develop and change throughout life at the rate of the loner. More on this below.

Loners in Popular Culture

Since I am a loner myself, I have come to enjoy reading and watching movies about other loners. One great movie that comes to mind is The Station Agent. In this film, a little person named Finn inherits a small train station outpost in the middle of nowhere. Feeling no bonds with other human beings, he decides to live in the building to have complete solitude. Finn runs into some misadventures and makes some friends along the way.

A great loner to read about is Huguette Clark. Ms. Clark lived and died extremely wealthy, at 104 years old, and lived most of her life with little contact with other people.

She owned mansions, antiques, and lived in a world she completely chose for herself. A lot of people, upon reading her story, say they feel sorry for Ms. Clark because she was a loner. They assume her life was boring. But as most loners know, peace and happiness come when one is away from the madness, not entrenched inside it.

How Do You Develop a Happy Loner Personality?

Although many loners are happy because they find solace in solitude, others need to proactively find ways to put themselves in a good mood. Here is how to bring joy into your life and maintain it:

  • Leave the oppressive environment that gives you your heartache. While this isn't always possible at first, eventually people graduate from school or switch schools or jobs. No one is intended to stay in the exact same place forever.

  • Move to a new location. If you have been treated particularly badly by a group of people, there is no need to live around them the rest of your life. You don't need your identity wrapped up in a painful history. Leave for better pastures. Become a new you, free of the chains of your past. Break off communication with any person who will communicate with people that ostracized you from your old town.

  • Travel. This is perhaps the number one way to develop a strong sense of self and develop your own fulfilling identity. Traveling allows you to get far away from any problems or worries that burden you. Seeing new people, places, and environments brings a new light to your life and positive memories that will last a lifetime. Imagine the enriching experiences of visiting countries like France and Spain. And I bet people who bullied you will most likely never spread their wings this way.

  • Delve into a hobby that isn't associated with group activity. Whether it is painting, cooking, gardening, building furniture, etc. This will help you develop a strong inner life full of positive feelings of accomplishment.

  • Focus on making money for your future. Maybe social situations have let you down in life, but financial security will give you something to feel safe about. It will provide you with freedoms that being poor will not allow.

How would you describe yourself?

See results

Why did you visit this article?

See results

Being a Loner Does Not Mean You Won't Have Friends or Loved Ones

  • As you switch environments, move to a new location, or travel, you will meet people along the way, some who will become your friends. Loners often develop strong one-on-one relationships that are forged with respect and common interests. Loners are also very loyal people.
  • I am a loner but happily married. You will most likely find your life partner when you least expect it. This is how it happens for most people. All the online dating in the world might not bring you your mate, but chance and circumstance will. You might find yourself a partner who is a loner as well.
  • As you wish, you can try joining groups or organizations that are rooted in hobbies, religious beliefs, etc. You don't have to socialize in a group, but you can naturally find friends being side-by-side with them in these environments.
  • If anyone you meet becomes hurtful to you, don't feel you need to keep them in your life. Always cut negative ties when you can.

The Loner Blossoms over His or Her Lifetime

Being a loner gives you the opportunity to explore life the way YOU see fit. You aren't limited to the social constructs of a narrow-minded group of people. You will go further, see more, and experience more because you wish to find your own happiness rather than put importance and energy into an irrelevant group of people. The loner personality is meant to be happy and fulfilled on his or her own terms.

Questions & Answers

    Comments

    Submit a Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, healdove.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://healdove.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)