How to Outsmart a Narcissist


Do You Know a Narcissist?

Have you ever had the misfortune of being around a narcissist? You can usually pick them out because they are the one who cannot stop talking about themselves. I am not referring to the basic human trait of being proud of a job well-done. I am referring to the person who thinks the sun rises and falls on them, the one who thinks everything is always all about them.

If you have ever had to deal with a narcissist, then you know what I am talking about. These people are annoying, at best. They are egotistical and grate on people's nerves. These are the types of people I try to avoid. If you can't elude them, you'll need to outsmart them to avoid falling prey to their tricks. Here's how.

Narcissism Defined

Narcissism (as defined by the Free Dictionary): 1. Excessive love or admiration for oneself. 2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. 3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development. 4. The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.

Other similar words include conceited, self-absorbed, egotistic, self-centered, selfish, self-loving, vain, stuck-up, and prideful.

Identifying a Narcissist

A narcissist is not hard to spot if you know what to look for. You can't always tell right away, but it is only a matter of time before this beast rears its ugly head.

Here are some notable narcissistic characteristics which are quite funny (and irritating) for the people who are subjected to them:

  1. They are the life of the party. They are charismatic, funny, charming, talkative, and tell the most interesting stories. They talk like they have microphones in their hands. In their charming anecdotes, they play the role of hero, leader, genius, savior, and guru. They know all the right people, say all the right things, and can do no wrong. It's like they're on stage reading really well-written scripts, all the time.
  2. They are always right about everything. It does not matter if the sky is blue. If a narcissist sees green, he will be right, even if you show him proof in a science book. They dominate everyone and everything. They believe their ways are correct and are so narrow-minded that no other way could possibly be right.
  3. Everyone else is always wrong. This goes hand-in-hand with the fact that they are always right about everything. And if all the evidence indicates that they are wrong, they will insist that the evidence was invented and planted by the enemy. They find happiness making everyone else aware that they are inferior. And since they're always right and you're always wrong, if something goes wrong between you, it's always your fault.
  4. They are rarely happy. And it's your fault they're not happy, too. They will whine and complain about every tiny injustice they feel has been done to them. My theory is that narcissists think they are so wonderful they cannot figure out why they can never live up to their own expectations.
  5. They never forget. If you make a mistake, a narcissist will not let you forget about it. They take everything personally and feel that every mistake is directed right at themselves. You cannot escape their wrath.
  6. They have no conscience. Rules don't apply to them. They can appear, at first, to be extremely nice people, until you get to know them. If they make a mistake, they will be sure to blame it on someone else. They are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions. They say one thing and do another.
  7. They will twist everything you say and do. Honesty means nothing to them. You can be honest with them about your feelings, but they will use the information as ammunition against you. If you choose to feed the narcissist, plan to enter into a battle zone.

Narcissists can be verbally abusive, maybe even physically, and will throw a tantrum if you dare to challenge them.

How to Deal with a Narcissist

Choose one or more methods from this list:

  1. Don't. You'll never change them and they'll never admit to their issues, so you're better off without them. If this isn't possible, then at least...
  2. Know what you're dealing with. First, know that they are a narcissist. Second, determine precisely what kind you're dealing with: a vulnerable narcissist (aka "shy" or "covert," the emotionally wobbly, often defensive type that swings back and forth between feeling superior and inferior) or a grandiose narcissist (aka "arrogant" or "overt," the more shameless type). Third, read everything on this topic you can get your hands on. Knowledge is power.
  3. Adjust your expectations. You'll never "fix" them or get them to join your team. They'll always be righteous and self-centered and they'll never do anything for you, for team spirit, or for the greater good. Still, narcissists have their strengths. Learn to recognize them for what they are and modify your expectations accordingly.
  4. Get what you want out of it. If there's something in the relationship for you, then know what that is and make sure you get it. Just remember that you're most likely to get what you want from a narcissist only when they want something from you.

Avoiding the Narcissist

Word to the wise: There is little you can do to help, change, or fix a narcissist, so focus on yourself. I have learned you will never make him happy, so stop wasting your time. For them, it's all a game of cat-and-mouse and they'll jump on each and every chance to play cat. If you are in a relationship with them, they will give love and take it away as a way to control you. It will not help to rationalize their behavior or try to figure out why they do what they do. That's what being in a relationship with a narcissist is all about.

Dealing with one can be challenging, nerve-wracking, and downright exhausting. You will nod your head in agreement just so they will go away so you can finally roll your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale.

My suggestion? Avoid them, if you are able to. Don't start relationships with them. If you see one, run the other direction. If they try to draw you into their webs, make it clear from the start that you won't play their games. Set clear boundaries. Earplugs are a fantastic way of blocking out sound as well as make a subtle point.

Sometimes, they are unavoidable, and sometimes, you realize what they are too late. You may be working with one, for example. If you are married to one, I am very sorry. You are a stronger person than me. I chose divorce over being subjected to the constant abuse.

Do you know someone who is a narcissist?

  • Yes
  • No
  • I am one
See results without voting

Comments 64 comments

Joe Barney profile image

Joe Barney 4 years ago from Orangeville, Michigan

Great blog/article or whatever it's called? I absolutely loved it, now I know what my ex-roomate is.

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks, Joe! Nice to see you have joined HubPages!! Welcome!

Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

I've had the displeasure to meet such people and I'm glad they're no longer in my life. When one such person begins to talk I have an instant headache in five minutes flat.

diogenes profile image

diogenes 4 years ago from UK and Mexico

There is a ghost at the party here. Some people have done do much and have such a strong physical and mental presence that people just want them to take center stage and are reluctant to speak themselves even if prompted and encouraged to do so all the time.

That is not necessarilly narcissistic behavior on the Alpha's part. Interesting article.


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Bob, I have a cyber-stalker named Mike on my site. He is trying to discredit me in this case and if talking to my followers. I believe he has hacked my friends computer, and he is using our stories from here on his website, as well as my full legal name. Is this the ghost you are referring to? Alpha?

rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 4 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

I use to know one,Like you I try to avoid them! Good information given here. Voted up and interesting!

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thank you for reading my article. It was an easy one to write as I have had my share of narcissists in my life. That is why I chose to live

cherylone profile image

cherylone 4 years ago from Connecticut

Great article, I really enjoyed the description of a narcissists, they are exactly what you described and I know one or two..... :)

Gypsy48 profile image

Gypsy48 4 years ago

Interesting hub Jen and so true! I had to work with a narcissist for a number of years and we had our share of verbal disagreements. I finally put her in her place, which left her no choice but to annoy other co-workers.

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks cherylone and Gypsy48. I used to be married to a narcissist, and people wonder why I never remarried. :)

b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

i don't think a "Narcissist" every sees Himself or Herself...This was really a Fun read JenJen, so many ex-friends are seen in your Hub...and are probably going, "that's not me". Yes, it is!

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

I agree b. Malin. We have any narcissists around us. Thank you for reading...

Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

JenJen0703 -- know or have known several narcissists and they're not difficult to identify -- just difficult to get rid of after all else fails! Extremely informative Hub and I appreciate all the great information -- as you said, narcissists want to make you believe it's you and not them that are the problem and unless one is on top of their game a narcissist can make you feel downright terrible about yourself. The problem always arises when you refuse to play their game. Great Hub! Best, Sis

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

That's for sure, hence, the reason I have been divorced for 11 years and didn't remarry. I don't let anyone control me, so I'll just stay single, reduce the chance of having another

diogenes profile image

diogenes 4 years ago from UK and Mexico

Hi Jen Jen: No, nothing to do with any third parties, just my observations on your article. There are all sorts of wierdos online and some seem to be attracted to hubpages...I have been "stalked" if you like, by a woman telling me her"nipples are hard and her panties are wet." I think that remark is likely to have been written by a guy actually. I have reported it to HP but she pops up ever day with the same message via hubpages.

It's a sick world, Jen, unfortunately but I promise you, I am one of the good guys


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Aww...thanks Bob, honestly, you are one of my favorite hubbers. Glad to have you reading my stories.

Chris 4 years ago

My 17 year old stepdaughter is one. The profile fits her to a T..been dealing with her for 2 years, as her symptoms progress, it's getting worse. Soon she'll be living somewhere else.

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

I am sorry to hear that. The stepdaughters are the most difficult, I think. I have a stepdaughter, have had for 14 years, and she is still as much of a handful as she was when she was a child. Good luck with yours!!

protechno 4 years ago

Halo Jen,

This was an inspiring read to say the least.

I asked my wife about all the above, and what she said in reply is too embarrassing to share :)

Great Hub!

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks protechno! Lol...too embarrassed to share? I can honestly say I wrote this article about my ex-husband. At least you were willing to ask your wife her opinion? The fact you two can communicate about it means you can't possibly be 100% narcissistic (if that's what she said), my ex-husband would have fought me if I had read that article to him.

protechno 4 years ago

I did ask her and am now trying to understand and absorb the reply.

it's a long story. to cut it short I shared this with 2 very dear people in my life and both of them had a somewhat different approach.

As for me, I couldn't stop laughing.

I was lmao, after hearing my wife's comments on each of the 4 definitions of Narcissism, given above and we discussed this article (candidly) 3 or 4 times since then.

Tell me frankly. Does that make me or sound like a narcissist?

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

No, I don't think it does. If you are laughing about it and talking to your wife about it, then you are definitely not a narcissist. If you were, you would not find humor in it, nor coming back to me with a second comment. I am glad to have brought some humor into you and your wife's lives. :)

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Oh, protechno, are you laughing about description number 3? Is that what got your wife going?? I think that #3 needs to be applied to the male gender in general, not to the definition of, no offense. :)

Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 4 years ago from Michigan

Yes Jen - It looks like you have this one down pretty good!! LOL Here is a Narcissist's favorite quote "To know me is to Love me!!" Well, in their mind that is!!

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Lol, Susie. What's even better is when they say, "You will never find anyone else who loves you as much as I do." My response? Thank God!

protechno 4 years ago

Poor men. ;)

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Lol protechno...

protechno 4 years ago

The fact that I have one such individual as described here whole my life. They usually have this over-whelming belief (it's not just an idea or a fleeting thought - in fact it's ingrained to the deepest crevices of their mental capacity) that the Universe revolves around them, thus expecting god-like treatment in return.

This eventually leads to a state where a person starts looking down on everything and everyone besides them self and thus losing any and all connection with humanity. They may appear human, but we all know that being human is not just skin deep. We are all aware of the beasts lurking in human skin.

Great writing Jen.

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks, protechno. All I had to do was think about one day of marriage to my ex-husband to come up with this article...might need to add to it soon.

protechno 4 years ago

Just one day? Seriously!


I didn't know they existed in that above model all-in-one exactly. I'm glad he's your ex in that case.

Way to go girl, keep those punches coming :)

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Oh, I do. I have learned sarcasm, mixed with humor at the narcissist's expense, can quiet one pretty quickly. Do that in front of their friends once or twice, they sometimes learn. If not, at least you put on some great laughs for the others that have to endure the

Ken 4 years ago

Worked for one, it was terrible; this article is quite good in capturing some of the nuances of what they are and what they will do, how they react to rebuff or pushback.

They are truly ugly people to be around, stress you beyond belief, do not give up trying to use you and abuse you as a result. Escape is your goal somehow, even if fleeting. I agree they are predatoiry monsters.

If you fight them or oppose them, they just blow up or back-pedal and almost grovel. It is sickening to be part of. They just want to survive to fight another day, in the way they see as necessary for themselves. Watch out!

It seems to me that all articles on them view them or define them a little differently, have different insight, but I am wondering now if everythig we read is somehow to be found eventually in all of them: that their vast, hideous complexity, in fact, takes time to see and assess, to define, but in the end will reveal itself in all its glory and be common to them all.

If this is the case, we need some highly qualified professionals to define what this complexity is in total, so we as an unknowing public have a solid standard to identify them, to root them out, to enable us to better protect ourselcves.

NPD is a powerful disease and needs address, because if you are involved with someone who has it, is a malignant narcissist, you are being manipulated or used in some capacity or fashion, I think most of the time, if not all of the time.

When you are with one, you will get or develop a sense, a feeling that you just cannot reach this person, that you are up against a wall, that you cannot move, influence, or change them. If you think you have made an impact, you will find the next day or even sooner, that you have not, they will display the same thinking and actions, they will re-emerge. They are like the first Terminator, they do not die easily.

They look to change us and that is only part of the damage they do!

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Wow, Ken...nice response! I am no shrink, and this hub was written solely on my personal experiences being married to one, lived with another, worked for a few, and the good old dictionary.

The best way to tell a narcissist doesn't come from a book. There are so many ways a narcissist can get into our lives, whether it be from a job, relationship, friendship, or some other way. Narcissists seem to good to be true in the beginning.

A good portion of our narcissists are likely going to be our abusers, I would think.

And the worst part about narcissists? They're always right, so how can you point out to one that he/she is indeed one?

Oh, and by the way, they do have highly qualified professionals. They are called psychiatrists. But, then, we're back at square one, yet again. A narcissist is always right, so what do they need a shrink for? Guaranteed his/her spouse is definitely seeing one, to find out what is wrong with their own head for staying...

Ken 4 years ago

Thanks, I had absolutely no knowledge of what a narcissist was, so when I first met this one, I just was taken in by the huge confidence and arrogance he displayed, his openly showing or posturing that he could handle anything that came his way.

Since for me it was about a new career opportunity, a new field, I had to listen and accept what boundaries and practices he set as ones that seemed positive to lead to success. He was the authority. Little did I know they were really reflections of his illness and involved abuse based on the structure of his illness; how it operated. In this, I think you could say that the illness has a methodology. It is a form of adaptive, living illness or organism within the person with the illness. It responds to the world around it and is shaped outwardly by the environment and life experiences of the one who is ill. I could of course not see this complexity, but still was being played or manipulated skilfully as part of this illness.

Overtime, but slowly, I began to question what he did as being too extreme, but much operational detail and thinking was kept hidden from me, my involvements limited, so it took a longtime to really accumulate insight and to formulate an opinion of him, which was closer to the truth - that there was more wrong than normal for the type of business operation it was, that these difficulties were of his own making, not mine as he seemed to think on occasion.

However it turned out I realized later, after leaving, that I was joining on the end of what I think was a long list of efforts by him to keep his luck in life going. He was taking me as fresh fodder and hoping I could do a job much bigger than anyone could realistically pull off for him with my background.

As he paid me little, in the end I was no risk as it amounted to cheap labour and anything I delivered was a plus. I was used but in a slave-like way, lots of control, little freedom. Commissions a promise that never arrived....

When I saw that what I delivered for him was not recognized or appreciated financially, I saw that no matter how I grew expertise-wise, I would not benefit, so when he even wanted more effort and created direct stress with underlying threats of eventual dismissal for failure to produce by his own stupid formula, I got out.

This all related to his confusion of entitlement, grandiosity, selfish greed, meaness and laziness.

He was incredibly bright, appeared to have an amazing memory with large capacity and therefore was very difficult to challenge on any concept. Since to cross him brought instant pushback and anger, one just shut up and tried to do the job. It is impossible to deal with white-hot rage.

They drive you away, the illness causes this ending.

If I had known more, been less subservient in my effforts to succeed as a businessman, I would have seen it more as human abuse, not business method and I like to think I would have escaped earlier.

But in my readings since, I think something is still missing in our understanding about this illness. Each person's insights are different because their experiences are different but if the pyschiatrists could just sum up in a more succinct list how to recognize one and go from there then I think that would be an improvement for our communities.

I agree they are hard to change, their relief is even more success or finally old age and death, causing damage to others throughout.

This is what chills my spine, knowing what I went through.

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

I agree with you 100%, Ken. Having been married to a worst-case narcissist and the fact my last relationship was with one, I have had my share of dealing with them.

As you can see in the video, they are even more obnoxious when they're drunk. And, the amount of abused heaped on others by these types is horrendous. Instead of taking it, I pushed back until I couldn't deal with it anymore. I chose to use what happened to me (video) to show others what a "poster child" of domestic violence is.

To date, the video cannot be found under his legal name, so he has no idea it's on YouTube. He still harasses me (two years later, after our break up), so I have been contemplating tagging his real name to the video and save future women from his abusive tirades.

Not to mention, renewing the PPO against him next month. Yes, it chills my spine, too...

Ken 4 years ago

I spent thousands of hours around this man and that was bad enough. I cannot imagine living with one. Certainly there are complex and hard to define forces and needs at work within these relationships to initiate and sustain them. So the fault is not yours.

Only after I departed this job, did I understand the beginning charm he projected, then understand how he had taken me in, then figure out how he had tried to mold me and use me, but all of this and much more came to me only after I learned what narcissists are about - saw the list of 9 ways to recognize them.

He fit them all. That list saved me. The bell literally rang in my head. He was mentally ill! More reading just gave me more insight.

Otherwise in the job, in my mind, there had been just an ongoing sense of frustration and being bewildered by what he was. At times, anything said one day, seemed forgotten or ignored the next. Many days, all I got was a grunt on his entrance and then waited to see what he might want. It was an up and down ride. So much stress, so much negative tone coming from him.

He was not the only one, there was another involved and he was almost as bad, in ways worse and more eruptive, less controlled, but in some ways he had a true heart, some warmth. I think he was just mirroring the one with the true illness as he had to, to try to keep him happy, to survive himself. It was a bad scene, the one you read about, hidden from the public most of the time.

While I may have gone through hell, however it would appear that you lived it.

I too began to fear some form of physical violence closer to the end. He got more surly, abusive. Certainly I did not want to be on the end of his anger which made you feel useless and helpless. It was demeaning, degrading.

The rage moments are truly unbelievable and shake you up badly. Physical assault, that is one really losing it. I think they do not normally go there because it puts them at risk of greater authority and they do respect that as they know when they cannot win and fear looking bad. He talked of reputation, did not not want a bad one. That is one way I can see they can be controlled.

I am sorry this illness happenned so close to me in my life. It has been my worst life experience. I feel for anyone who is in contact with these sick people.

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

I totally understand what you're saying Ken. Dealing with narcissists is absolutely frustrating, especially if he/she is your significant other. My ex was so bad that he would sit next to me when I was in school (online college), as if after a year and a half, I needed his help to get my schoolwork done. He couldn't stand the fact I had other obligations that weren't about it. That made getting my homework done ten times harder.

[ also didn't like the fact that he wanted me to go with him everywhere he went. He would complain one day about not wanting to cook, but if I cooked for him, he would pick apart everything he thought was wrong with the meal (I didn't cut the potatoes small enough, for example).

I am grateful to be independent, owning my own house, and not having to deal with the mental stress anymore. I fixed him, though. The last time he was abusive with me, I made sure my computer was recording, as I did not want to go to jail again. He is now on YouTube. He keeps harassing me (been broke up for 2 years, and he still won't leave me alone), I am going to tag his arrest video with his full legal name.

Then, hopefully, he won't be able to beat on women anymore...

Ken 4 years ago

I know about the micromanaging. It is very fine and thorough. Nothing above comment. Began right away....

Eventually, he wanted to have meetings in which we would discuss our goals as individuals - involving all aspects of our lifes. His aim was to try to change us to make us as employees more productive for his benefit. Sick.

I would get legal advice re what you are proposing re tagging his name. Also prior assistance in the form of an opinion from a medical peson qualified to know what a narcissist may do if you proceed. There is danger for you in any event. They do not like to be challenged or exposed and the anger and evil feelings of power and the capability to be very forceful to get what they want, would make me think twice and be cautious. You may be just baiting the bull. The rage I saw on occasion was totally unstoppable and had to play out and there is of course the danger throughout this "losing it".

Please be careful as I do not think you can really change them easily. If my conclusion that they are truly dangerous is true and there is no way to know how far they will go, if in their mind they are pushed or whatever, well draw your own conclusion.

Yours is a tough situation, I wish you the best.

I think they are "on" all the time, so watch out.

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Very true, Ken, very true. No, I'm not going to tag his name, but there have been times I have been tempted. His PPO expires next month, and I will definitely be getting it renewed. Two years we have been broke up, and he still harasses me sometimes, sends verbally abusive text messages. It's like, because he can't find a new woman that wants him, he has to punish me for breaking up with him.

I guess it's a good thing he has no idea where I bought my house and moved to. I am glad this county's website for property owners is a pain in the rear to get

Thanks for the chats and advice. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Ken 4 years ago

You are welcome!

They are very vindictive, aggressive if you cross them and the abuse ramps up, is revealed even more so, especially when they think they will not be able to use you anymore, that you have become useless, so you cannot expect it to get any better.

They are not forgiving to slights, have strange logic, will demonstrate it, and hold memories and their attitudes for a long time.

As a pattern that recurs, they continuously seek out co-dependents and will assess and use everyone they see as of value throughout their lives.

You broke the system they follow; broke the tie, he cannot help himself in trying to re-attach.

Mine tried to get me to go back.

No apologies at all, just cold talk.

Remember, they are like organisms following a methodology.

Best avoided as we painfully know.

All the best!

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Ken, it sounds like you should have wrote this story. I like your analogy on narcissists. Hopefully, your current employer makes up for what you went through.

I also wish you the best, too. Take care.

Lisa 4 years ago

Great articles! We have a narcissist in our family, my step-daughter, who has alienated herself from the entire family. I have read articles by countless professionals who have said that 9 times out of 10, it's the step-daughters, not sons, who cause the problems and have the narcissistic disorders. My step-daughter has even physically attacked me. It's so sad, but you cannot help them. They have to want to help themselves. Now she's gone off to use and abuse her mother and step-dad, that is until they have enough of it, too.

In the meantime, I am happy staying away from our narcissist. She only brought heartache and misery to our lives. While I know at times it must be hard for my husband to not see her, it is so much better for our family AND our marriage. No matter how hard I tried with her, it was never good enough. Life does go on, though and we are happy. You can't let a narcissist rule your lives. Thanks again for the informative articles.

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Your welcome, Lisa. It sounds like your step-daughter is a lot like my ex step-daughter. Everything had to be about her. Every day, we would have to drop what we were doing to watch her kids so she could go grocery shopping, to the doctor, to make her car payment, to see her friends, and she had no respect. She would lie about things just to get people to feel sorry for her and turn on me.

I am also glad I know longer have a relationship with her, just because life is peaceful. We stayed in each others' lives for years after I divorced her dad because her mom had died when she was little. But, when you spend two days cleaning the house for HER daughter's first birthday party with no help from her, and also get assaulted and swung at as soon as the party had ended, I put my foot down and walked away and had to sever ties with my grandchildren, too.

Her father is one of the worst narcissists I have ever met. When I wrote this story, all I had to do was close my eyes and think about the three years were managed to stay married.

Thanks for taking the time to read my hub.

Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Highly insightful, relevant in these days of social media where narcissists have unfettered access to social contacts and may even sound charming at first pass util it all unravels. You have really given a set of useful pointers and strategies to avoid/spot and deal with such destructive narcissism. Well written and useful!

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Hey, thanks Docmo! Narcissists can be extremely annoying and tiring to deal with. I am glad that my hub was helpful for you to deal with.

MeMan 4 years ago

Why is this not about me???

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author


midget38 profile image

midget38 3 years ago from Singapore

Oh, Jennifer, I have known more than a couple of these folks in my time, some being close members of my own family! Thanks for the reference guide to cope. Sharing!

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

Oh my. I have known quite a few. You think they would grow tired of talking about themselves, yet they don't. Thanks for the tips. I normally just RUN :)

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 3 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks! Yes, there are a few of them out there. They are so burdensome to deal with at times, that's for sure...

JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 3 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Sometimes, they are unavoidable. Imagine having to work with one, and you know you can't quit your job to avoid them. Ear buds should be allowed in all work environments...they make great ear plugs!!

Gail Meyers profile image

Gail Meyers 2 years ago from United States

You hit the nail on the head with your description of some of the behaviors. That video made me cringe!

Sanctuary 2 years ago

Sometimes the best solution is to lead them to their own fate. Make them own their self gratification and play along when it crashes on their head. After all how could they blame you if you agreed with them? Oh your game was such a good idea how could it possibly go wrong? The key is to make them own it and then keep making them own it. See that shovel, keep digging it deeper. What eventually happens is this person will eventually become invisible in your presence. Accountability is everything such people as these will always seek to avoid. Give these people no power in your life but always give them theirs. Their power is always over the top and they produce their own results. Just make them own it.

Meridith C. 2 years ago

Conscience, not conscious. I don't know if you can edit this late in the game. Conscience is what you describe, conscious is whether or not they are mentally alert.

Also, I didn't see any tips on outsmarting them. "Avoid them" doesn't really qualify, does it?


But the information was helpful. It's all accurate.

Kaya 19 months ago

The answer is you ignore the narcissist for the rest of your life. No response in any way. Just like he does not exist. They put themselves above God and there is only one God. Ignoring them is the best "punishment". Go no contact. I divorced my cheating husband of 20 years. I hired the best attorney and ignored him. Best decision I ever made. My life is happy and peaceful now. Thank God.

Molly 8 months ago

I have a beautiful daughter with one , I am doing my best to hold it together for her sake but I really do not know what the future holds for us .

diogenes profile image

diogenes 8 months ago from UK and Mexico

Hi JenJen: Just shows you, good hubs remain evergreen, one way or another.

Reading your article again...I wonder how much of narcissitic behavior is due to lack of intelligence and masochism? Perhaps we are all narcissists at heart? I mean, the old balance twixt ego and super-ego and the old id. But narcisism is neurosis pure and simple: the more enlightened realize this and control the "me, me, me" syndrome....? They realize they get more satisfaction and happiness by a give and take transaction - but it might be said they "love themselves" as much as any narcisist? But, then, everyone benefits from these 'together characters!

Just a fun comment! (and not to detract from the often violent side of this malaise).

Regards, Bob x

LauraE 7 months ago

I work for a narcasist, he loves cat and mouse and pitting 2 supply's against each other. My narcasist is married, his wife worked around the corner, she thought we were having an affair but it was my coworker who was having the affair. I was not willing to give him my body for cash but it seemed my coworker was willing to go the distance and was sleeping with him. My co worker felt this gave her transferred work authority, she began trying to be the boss and dividing staff, still she was the sexual ego supply. I felt her wrath as she was aware I was an obstacle. To stop her upon one of her fits I reported her to the narcasistic boss, he began covering up and let me know he was aware of the damage I could do and warned me as such, knew it was time to stop this office power game, I went around the corner and told the spouse everything I knew.

Days later he got the news and withdrew his role in the complaint.

This triggered a defensive mode in which he stole love letters from my computer and tried to buffer himself for war. I ended up disclosing his vulgar actions to HR, it was time to fully disclose the terror he was subjecting me to for over 2 years. Keep in mind he is rich and powerful so I needed to hit this narcasistic man where he lived, all info was tru but he was good at victimizing. I now will be going back to work and he is there until matters are resolved. I will be his focus of a fury of humiliation and fury!

Donna 5 months ago

You are brilliant the first empowering article I've read yes they are clowns repetitive predictable boring and redundant it got to the point he amused me and I started messing with head installing paranoia criticized him til he couldn't take being ridiculed he discarded me realizing I saw right through him such a bafoon he will attach himself to another person be it girl guy whoever promises to attain his delusion of becoming a famous actor , know something with these monsters, gender and age is not an issue they can play any role gay straight whoever can help them attain their ridiculously high beyond the realm of fantasy goals,once you are rendered useless he will find another victim he can use abuse and drop my moron thinks he'll get a big part in a movie without working at it as a big time director will take one look at him and will realize he will be a star he deluded himself into believing celebrities were his peers and I wasn't , that I was a nobody, hahaha you have to laugh they're such clowns, whatever... Once you realize that you'll be free, I did tell him I never loved him, I just said it to see the idiotic thing he'd do next that I found him amusing...I lied but he believed me and I kind of believe me too, I was In love with who he pretended to be not who he was...

Veetha 3 months ago

I'd been in two relationships with narcissists. One was grandiose narcissist. The second one was vulnerable. Both are the same. Only the later is more insecure. While the first doesn't show his insecurity. They both don't want to be blamed and constantly seek admiration from others. The grandiose one is promiscuous type. He doesn't want any commitment. The vulnerable one is constantly asking me whether he is handsome and sexy? Very insecure. But he also doesn't want to be blamed why he got divorced with his wife. He blamed it all on her. I don't buy it. But that's the way he is. I am done with narcissists. I hope I find a humble man someday.

Kristy 2 months ago

I was in a friendship with a narcissist. I attempted to end it and all hell broke loose. I was called all kinds of names, and told I was a sh*tty friend. I blocked this person from everything my name was attached to. Until one day I somehow get messaged and informed that they had something of mine that had been in my family for over 40 years. Precious pictures that I would never be able to get back. She claims she will mail it to me, but it has been a few weeks. I am honestly to the point that it isn't worth worrying over. I am sure my property is damaged so I have decided I am taking back that power from her to determine my happiness or sadness. Either way I still will and she can be miserable.

kim 2 months ago

narcissists rule the world now. we allowed it

Annie 7 weeks ago

I married into a narcissist nest...not knowing of course the hell that I was walking into. Thank you Jen for living through it and showing us that you can get out! My step daughter is a covert narcissist and her mom is an overt. My wonderful but codependent husband is doing his best but he is now being demonized by both his eldest daughter (covert) and the overt ex. My heart breaks for him as I realize there is nothing I can do to help him. It is his journey and he found the strength to leave the overt, so I can only support and love him as he finds the strength to deal with the daughter he now doesn't recognize because he triggered her narcissistic rage by demanding that she account for her awful behavior. As for me, I could walk away from her and her mom in a heartbeat. She never accepted me as I dethroned her in her eyes when I married her dad. I have tried everything to reach her but I am done with the subtle emotional abuse, staring, dark energy, victimization, no apologies, no accountability and no empathy. Unfortunately, she is dead to me. I will not let her drain my soul anymore. Maybe someday she will wake up and clean up the devastation she has caused, or more likely she won't. May everyone who has encountered this unfortunate being, be healed from the tremendous psychic, emotional and physical pain they inflict.

Mohammadfm508@gmail 3 weeks ago

A close relation of mine is a narcissist. She is a mouse disguised as a lioness. Not only that, she looks at herself in a looking glass and saying "What a beauty." She never forms deeps ties with people around her. Mamad

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