What to Say to a Recovering Addict

The Pain Between Recovery and Relapse
For most recovering addicts, relapse is almost inevitable. What can you say to a recovering addict who is craving the substance of their addiction? Finding the right words to say to someone who is caught between recovery and potential relapse is not easy. It is at this time that the addict is most vulnerable to their substance of abuse, and most sensitive.
Anyone who has ever been addicted to a drug will tell you that the pain associated with the recovery stage of drug addiction is implausible. It is indescribable with words. It can be so overwhelming that at times it is almost as if there are two of you, one urging you to take the drug and the other begging—and I do mean begging—you not to take it. So just what do you say to someone who is in recovery?
My Story
I am a recovered crack cocaine addict, and I have been clean since 1994. During the time that I was going through withdrawal, many times I found myself in this precarious position. My friends and family members would try to comfort me, but their words seemed empty. No matter what they said it didn’t register with me.
Many people tried to comfort me as I struggled to recover from a serious crack cocaine addiction. In all honesty I will say that there were three people whose words had the most profound impact on my recovery—and my life, for that matter. A friend whom I have known since I was seven years old, my son, and my daughter. These are the three people whom I would say are directly responsible for my recovery.
In the darkest hours of my recovery, when I was on the border line of once again being swallowed up by the drug that had caused me so much misery, my friend would call as if she telepathically knew that I was thinking about smoking another crack rock. She wouldn’t lecture me like many of my other friends did; instead, she would tell me, “You don’t have to do this alone. I’m here for you." And although I have not craved crack since 1994, those words still reverberate in the core of my being today.
Incredibly, my daughter who was only eleven years old at the time had never given up on me. I was ashamed to face her, and she knew it. But she would often say, “I love you, Daddy, and I know you’re not going to be like this always.” It meant the world to me to know that my baby girl could genuinely love me in the despicable state that I was in.
Then there was my son, who would tell me time after time, “You can do this, Daddy. If no one else believes you can, I do.”
When I faced my demons in recovery I felt I was alone because after all, I had lost everything I owned, including my family. It amazed me to learn that in the midst the darkest hours of my life, these three people chose to love me unconditionally and that they were willing to stand with me.
When I think back to that time in my addiction, it was their words that gave me the courage and strength to endure the pain of withdrawal.
Finding the Words
The most heartening words anyone could ever say to someone who is in recovery would undoubtedly be words of encouragement. Drug addicts do not like to be lectured. It is probably because they have already experienced whatever it is you are lecturing them about. One of the worst things you can do to an addict in recovery is to begin scolding them about their drug use and telling them how their world will come to an end if they start using again.
Even after an addicted person has stopped using, their recovery will take some time. A little love, lots of patience, and a caring attitude form the core of the best medicine for someone who is in recovery. But above all, genuine words of encouragement will do more to help a recovering addict than you can ever imagine.
Comments
Hi im Taime um i know this dude he is about to turn 20 he is a heroin addict and other stuff but he was in rehab for 4 years and was married to this girl who had to kid ever since they where born he adopted 1 but the other 1s father wouldn't let him but he loves those kids and his mother is a hoe and a drug addict and when he was 13 his mother sold him to get her some drugs and he was in rehab for 4 year and his ex wife had sex with his uncle and he was like a father to him cuz he never knew his father and he fliped out on him and his girl and told her that he didn't want to be with her andso they got a divorce and they had a custody battle and the judge said that he wasn't gonna let him see them unless supervised cuz he almost killed somebody aka his uncle and he flipped out on the judge and said that if he didn't let him see his kids he would kill the judge and his family and then the judge said that he wasn't allowed to see them at all. And its been three months and he relapsed 2 days ago and is saying he wants to see them and yea and he tried to kill himself cuz he wanted to see them and was like i will kill myself if i dont see them and yea i dont know what to do any help anybody? :\
Hiya,
Eric a very big well done on ur recovery thats something to be enormously proud of.
I came across this page when searching for help with how to support my ex bf with his crack addiction. I didn't know he smoked crack until he stole my belongings, then it came out into the open about his addiction. I cant believe I fell in love with someone that wasn't really him, if u know what I mean.
I explained to him I couldn't be in a relationship with him at the moment as im finding it difficult to get my head round all the lies and the deception. Anyway, I said to him that I would always be here as a friend to support him through the difficult journey ahead as he said he doesn't want that life anymore, he has lost everything, his home, his family, access to his daughter. He now has a drug support worker and goes to 2 na meetings a week, each one he comes out with a beaming smile as tho he is on top of the world, it makes me really proud. Thing is he go to day 14 and relapsed, I partly blame myself as I found out he sold my nans £400 diamond ring for £20 :( I shouted at him asI was so upset :( and then he relapsed. We spoke about it and he said it made him feel disgusted after all the hard work he put in. I said that some people do relapse and that its part of some people's recovery, to learn from it and to move on from it, today he is on day 12 since the relapse. Wemade a book together with what he wants in his future on the last page, each day he writes his feelings or even draws a picture on a page as tho his getting closer to his future. Thing is im putting all my effort in and still things are coming out of the woodwork when he lied about them in the first place. I kno I cant save him, I wish I could but I kno only he can save himself. But nor do I want to be the person that causes him to relapse if u understand what I mean? I love him with all my heart but its breaking watching him go through this :( am I doing the right thing by being in his life? I have recently been diagnosed with lymphoma and know I should look after myself but he has been to all my treatments with me and been my shoulder to cry on since day one, I feel I need him as much as he needs me but I feel so betrayed :(
Thank you for this great advice on how to be a good support. I am dating someone who has been in recovery from opiates for 4 1/2 months. I am proud of him for working so hard and want to be a blessing to him and not just this person with hollow words. Congrats on nearly 2 decades clean, I am happy for you!
Thank you for your words. Ive been sick almost two weekeeks now and i can bareley do a thing its so fustrating but i know i dont want to go back to methadone and i want to stick it out but its been over a week and its torture! Ughh god give me strength xo
Hey, im a herion, cocaine addict for over 10 years, im almost 30 and i have a 9 month old girl, she was the main reason i stopped using, i did rehab, did jail time for violations and still on probation, ive been clean over a year due to going to a methadone clinic and just took my last dose last week, i do not have the words, feelings,thoughts,emotions,pain running thru my body. I am trying my damndest to just stick it out but its soo hard i hurt i want to be ok i want to feel better. Hopefully i can overcome my detox. Thanks for letting me share
if my boyfriend is trying to stay clean from a heroin addiction. and he's been clean for four months and he relapsed three times. should I be mad? what should I do?
What can I do when my bf won't open up? I feel like I'm being pushed away. It seems this is his way of protecting me (is this the right term?) From his recovery and relapses. One day we are close the next so distant. I have tried to reassure I'm not going to run on him.(I have never been into the drug or drinking scene. I tell him how pround I am of his hard work and how I respect him for it. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing.All the time. Help please
thanks for the wisdom, I enjoyed the insightful article.
my boyfriend of two years let me for another girl because i accuse him of seen another girl and since then i have been trying to get him but he refuse to come back to me,he was not responding to my call or email and he even unfriend me in facebook and he told me that he is done with me.i was searching on the internet for help and i saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so i decided to give it a try and i contacted him and i explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me and guarantee me of 3days that my ex will come back to me and to my greatest surprise the third day a great miracle fell on me and my ex come back to me on the third day and he beg me for forgiveness shamuspiritualtemple@gamil.comi will continue to publish his name because he is my Savior and we are about to get married.if you need him to help you Email shamuspiritualtemple@gamil.com
I just needed some advice ..my boyfriend has been sober only 3 months and is now relapsing. I have no idea what to do. I have told him to go get help while its just starting. H he is afraid to admit because he feels, like he is a failure now.. I just don't know what to do.
-helpless
Naranon helps people who love an addict. Thank you for giving me the words to get my daughter through another tigger.
this was unbeleiveably helpful. my father is in rehab from meth and through his recovery i want to be there for him but i never really knew what to say. thank u for giving me some insight as to what to say to help my father recover.
I came here to find answers how to deal with my brother who has had a relapse, he has been doing so well for the last 3 months. My sister informed me that my brother will be calling me to talk about his relapse, he was worried about my disappointment. Reading all your comments I thank you. I will support him and only discuss the positive things he as done in the last 3 months, I don't need to tell him he made a mistake. His punishment of his own guilt is enough for him to handle.
I have been clean for 3 weeks now which is a first for me in a LONG time, I usually relapse after 2 weeks but I've managed to push past that and hope to keep going. When I crave I just think of all the bad things to come once the 'high' is over and realise it ain't worth it. I live alone and have no family around me which makes things harder! I'm a fighter though and believe I will not let the drug 'ice' rule my life!!
still amazed at how some people view "DRUG_USERS". As if we're all pimpin' ourselves w no teeth, in and out of jail, incapable of blending in society. I've held jobs,never been in jail,handled bills, and functioned in society---but internally struggled. Stereotypes are not absolutes.Perhaps if more people realized that, addiction would not be the elephant in the room most tip-toe around.
@Ashley: I don't believe recovery is possible w/out relapses. Those moments when you ask yourself "Why am I doing this again?" "How did I let this happen?" They teach you how to fortify your walls--where the leaks are And where they are NOT. You are not alone. Focus on your battles and you will win--one at a time. recovery doesn't happen overnight. Anything worth having involves a process and your on that path. I don't believe recovery is a one size fits all label. How I choose 'recovered' to label me won't be yours. Let the slip-ups show you the real demons and focus.
@Elsie2012: Your feelings are valid. But your son is still your son. Everyone makes mistakes. How you choose to deal with others shortcomings is your choice but I would say go. To forgive and keep trying to move forward is a testament to the power of faith in not just your son but in yourself too. Ask about his days, ask about his good moments--let him open up if he can about the good and the bad. Maybe he's just as confused about what to do as you. Maybe you can start mending somewhere in the middle. Good luck.
Just thought a gentle reminder to folks who know someone struggling:even those who are 'straight now' have flashbacks. Small things are huge to someone fragile and 'jonesin'. To this day, I can't watch a show where they draw blood--it triggers a reaction in me and I have to look away, I don't go by some places b/c I know what will happen if I even let myself drive by---me and temptation were quite a pair. If you have a friend or loved one still struggling just remember that there are moments that will threaten to swallow them but as long as they have someone there--be it an on-line community, family, or friends--you provide an anchor for that person. And a slip up does not a hopeless person make.
I've struggled with a cocaine addiction(shooting powder and smoking it)for almost a decade. Then last July 17, I just 'woke" up that it wasn't fun anymore and I was tired of the paranoia, the money issues, etc. So I just quit. I've tried so many times before but I guess it didn't take cuz' I didn't truly want it. Then 3 days ago, as I was walking into work I look down at a baggie in the doorway. To my trained eye, I found ~$200 worth of crack!! I had a few moments of intense soul searching:does is count as going back if I didn't buy it?,etc.I chose to give it to a manager. Who would have thought I could do it. She of course, calls the cops who come and claim it and sat its only about $20 worth. Really?!!! I KNOW better. I know what he'll write in his report and what will happen to the rest of it. A crooked cop just made some money But at least I was able to choose. Maybe a few here will know what a step like that means. People at work said I was an idiot for not keeping it and selling it. As if I could have held on to it without using again. I'm proud of the strength I didn't know I had left.
My son is in rehab very far from where we live. He has ruined our family and stolen from us many times.
we do still love him and want him to get well. What to we say during our visits with him in the center. Should we stay away or visit? We cannot be there all the time.
I feel guilty and are helpless for what to do.
Check out my friend's FB page. He is a recovering addict and wrote a book about his struggles about abuse, deppression and drug addiction.
Thank you for your story. I had 10 years clean and sober and relaped two months ago. I am struggling to stay clean, and I have to remember that I don't have to do this alone. I have a community of people who love me and want to help me.
Thank you Eric for giving me a chance to read your story. It really makes a difference knowing that words still have the power to heal. My brother has been clean from crack addiction for a little over 3 months now, it hasn't been easy for anyone but especially for him. I am there for him but sometimes find it hard to encourage his progress. I stumble on what to say and feel like i cant do enough. My heart, love and everything goes out to anyone having to battle an addiction. We need to remember that there are programs out there made for especially for each individual. And like Eric's friend said: You don't need to go through this alone. Lots of love and prayers, A sister out there.
Upset - my heart really goes out to you - i have only recently found out that my son, who lives 1200km away is a drug addict and alcoholic. I'm experiencing some of his pain, and I really feel bad for you that you don't have any support - but i agree with responsive - go to NA, they're found in all areas - my son in rehab has so much as said to me that if it wasn't for others like him - he wouldn't be able to make it - please don't do anything to yourself - God has a plan for your life - If NA isn't an option, please turn to God - He is you help - good luck child
Upset go to NA meetings and get a sponser. There are many people just like you whom will care about you and your recovery. You don't have to do it all alone!
I have been sober for almost a year but relapsed over 4 months ago, been totally sober since. I have no support, no friends, no family. I m struggling to keep clean from alcohol, and drugs(crack). I bought my own apartment, going to college everyday, having no support at all since.. U will never understand what i m going through.. i m still being abused, still have no support at all, and look at me i m still sober.... but I have been thinking about ending my life or relapsing.. i cant go on like this anymore. I am in so much pain all alone too long... all i know is I m the strongest girl i ever see.... i have overcomed everything.... signs... noone cares.. i had to do it all alone.. i m a crack recovery addict.... gosh i hate this damn world full of heartless people! noone will understand me anyway.. its easy for u because u have loved ones. i have NOONE!!! NOT EVEN 1 SUPPORTIVE PERSON! sighhhs bye
Good hub.
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